Review – Silence – Natasha Preston

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http://www.amazon.co.uk/Silence-Natasha-Preston-ebook/dp/B009SV1YCU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1431965131&sr=8-2&keywords=Silence+-+Natasha+Preston

 

Review – Silence – Natasha Preston

We’ve all had the moments in time when for some reason or another we can’t talk. Pain or fear or another emotion overcomes us and the words just won’t come.
It feels safer that way.
But what if the words don’t come for a day? Or a week? What if they don’t come for years, what if it’s safer that way?
And what if, in the middle of all of this you’re a teenage girl? If you’re struggling to not show the major crush you have on your best friend because you’re just not good enough.

“He was perfect, and I was broken.”

This is life for Oakley.

Holding her secret so close its eating away at her.

“I actually believed what he was saying, he was that good at lying.”

What if the one person who should always protect you doesn’t? What if he’s the reason?

Oakley’s story proves that sometimes a dad doesn’t protect his daughter. Because he isn’t the one physically harming her doesn’t mean he’s not abusing her.

We watch as Oakley explores new , stronger feelings for Cole. We see her struggle to convince herself that he means it when he tells her he loves her.

“His eyes locked on my lips for a second, and he tangled his fingers in my hair.”

And just when you think it’s alright. That her silence doesn’t need to be a problem, Cole receives a phone call he could never expect.

After being silent for over a decade, Oakley’s voice brings a tale so heartbreaking you won’t be able to stop your tears.

“Everyone went silent and just cried. It still felt like a nightmare.”

 

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Review – Falling for a Bentley – Adriana Law

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http://www.amazon.co.uk/Falling-Bentley-romantic-suspense-Book-ebook/dp/B00D1XL552/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431964968&sr=8-1&keywords=Falling+for+a+Bentley+-+Adriana+Law

Review - Falling for a Bentley - Adriana Law
 
"The basement is where I make my birds."
 
Victoria was a completely normal, overlooked teenage girl until she begun to date Colton Bentley, the most popular boy in school. 
Apart from her accident.
 
"A scar, a limp,  a bad hand, inept social skills, the list goes on.."
 
 
Whilst he seems happy, she seems more interested in keeping her demanding mother happy. Colton seems to want different things than she does, and he wants her to be something she isn't. 
 
"Every little detail has to be right."
 
Just as she makes the decision to put an end to their charade of a relationship, Colton's parents die. How can she break up with him just when he needs her most?
 
Encouraged by her mum to stay at his and help in any way she can, Victoria soon discovers her Bentley isn't everything she'd hoped. Nor is his uncle or cousins.
 
Sometimes she just wants to be herself, not to have to hide behind the carefully cultivated facade she has erected.
 
"I'm okay.
 I lied."
 
Everything was moving sedatley along until the death of Colton's family shows up. An uncle who clearly disapproves of her, one cousin who is a friendly, flirty type of character and the other cousin...
 
Sterling Bentley is everything mother's warn their good girls away from, so why cant she turn away? Sexual tension radiates within every encounter between them.
 
"I might combust in my seat if he doesn't stop staring as if he can see through to my soul."
 
Running away to his LA apartment with him she takes on the role of friend. Surprised by the ever increasing depravity of Sterling's life she is desperate to help him. Not just because she's falling for the brief glimpses of the real Sterling she occasionally sees, but because she really does want to be his friend. She really does care.
 
"And even though I know I shouldn't, I do. I do want him."
 
We flick between Sterling and Victoria's viewpoint. Sterling calls Victoria, Phoenix.
 
"But Phoenix isn't just any other girl."
 
 
We also meet Starr, who could have been something important to Sterling romantically if they hadn't both been drug addicts. Starr is now clean and getting on with her life. Victoria and Starr become friends as they hunt out Sterling who has been missing for four days. 
 
Then we get to go through home rehab with him. And experience everything from his and Victoria's viewpoint.
 
"Never in life have I seen someone's body drive them to intentionally destroy it."
Just when it seems the worst is over, just when Victoria and Sterling's relationship moves onto the next level, it all becomes too much.
 
"'Tu es mon feu' I whispered.
You are my fire."
 
Victoria's world crashes.
When you can't save the guy you love from himself, how long do you fight the facts? Then she suffers a family bereavement.
 
"I'm on autopilot with only one thought, and that is to get home."
 
Back at home, with her mother's support, Victoria makes the decision that any relationship between her and Sterling is over. Finished.
 
"He walks away thinking time will change things.
He's wrong."
 
Life moves on. About a year or so later Victoria has her own woodcarving store.
Volunteering at a meeting for recovering addicts she is surprised by the reappearance of Sawyer, then Starr. And who is in the parking lot?
 
"I take off running, throwing myself into his arms."
 
Sterling Bentley has come to share his story with other recovering addicts.
 
"Addiction doesn't discriminate."

In memory of Jazz

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Yesterday (Sunday 17th May) I lost my beloved dachshund, Jazz. And then this morning I woke for the first time without her.
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My little Jazz is with me all day, every day. We spend every minute together. Literally!

Early on we found she was sensitive to my epilepsy and changing moods.  She became my constant companion and so the prospect of being without her hurts.

A lot.

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So now I need to learn to be without her. And i need to find a way to remember that she’s no longer in pain. Wherever it is they go she’s happy there.

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So whilst I spend a while in my thoughts of my happy little doggy I leave you with some pictures of her.
To make you smile.

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Grief

Unfortunately loss has touched our lifes again. Grief and bereavement touch each person in a different way but it must be felt, it must be experienced.

 

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Bereavement Quotes and Sayings

“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.” – John Taylor.
“Heaven is a place nearby, so there’s no need to say goodbye.” – Lene Marlin
“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell
“Bereavement is a darkness impenetrable to the imagination of the unbereaved.” – Jane Welsh Carlyle
“Bereavement is the deepest initiation into the mysteries of human life, an initiation more searching and profound than even happy love.” – William Ralph Inge
“Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereavement.” – Jane Welsh Carlyle
“Peace, peace! he is not dead, he doth not sleep — he hath awakened from the dream of life — ‘Tis we, who lost in stormy visions, keep with phantoms an unprofitable strife.” – Percy Bysshe Shelley
“If, as I can’t help suspecting, the dead also feel the pains of separation (and this may be one of their purgatorial sufferings), then for both lovers, and for all pairs of lovers without exception, bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love.” – C. S. Lewis
“For precious friends hid in death’s dateless night.” – William Shakespeare
“We feel at first as if some opportunities of kindness and sympathy were lost, but learn afterward that any pure grief is ample recompense for all. That is, if we are faithful; — for a spent grief is but sympathy with the soul that disposes events, and is as natural as the resin of Arabian trees. — Only nature has a right to grieve perpetually, for she only is innocent. Soon the ice will melt, and the blackbirds sing along the river which he frequented, as pleasantly as ever. The same everlasting serenity will appear in this face of God, and we will not be sorrowful, if he is not.” – Henry David Thoreau
“Bereavement is the sharpest challenge to our trust in God; if faith can overcome this, there is no mountain which it cannot remove.” – Dean Inge
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.” – Henri Nouwen
“Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereavement. I will not try it. Time is the only comforter for the loss of a mother.” – Jules Renard
“Those we love don’t go away, They walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near, Still loved, still missed and very dear. …Wishing you hope in the midst of sorrow, Comfort in the midst of pain.” – Anonymous
“We pray God will Comfort you, And send Angels from above, Giving sweet peace within your heart, Surrounding you with Eternal Love. We are sorry for your deep loss, There’s so little we can find to say, You are in our thoughts and prayers, As we grieve with you today. With Our Heartfelt Sympathy. – Leona Miller
“Although no words can really help to ease the loss you bear, Just know that you are very close in every thought and prayer. To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell
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Death and Bereavement Quotes

Death is the mother of Beauty; hence from her, Alone, shall come fulfillment to our dreams. And our desires.” – Wallace Stevens
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” – Isaac Asimov
“Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and to be able to grow.” – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
“The timing of death, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it.” – Mary Catherine Bateson
“To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die. – Thomas Campbell, “Hallowed Ground”
“Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. – Rossiter Worthington Raymond
“When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” – Author Unknown
“Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.” – Author Unknown
“For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.” – William Penn
Grief

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a 1,000 winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled light
I am the soft star that shines at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.
~by Mary Frye (1932)

Sunday Review – Allie Brosh – Hyperbole and a half

So I thought long and hard about what to review.
Ok, I’m lying, I didn’t.

I DID initially plan to review a film or something. I was thinking about how I’d only reviewed book, unless you count forcing the poor husband to cook! But I just felt like crap and realised it probably wasn’t a good idea to do anything too taxing.

In my ‘feeling down and low and sorry for myself’ state I pulled a book off my bookcase that always makes me smile.

Book Cover Final three

I found Hyperbole and a half as a website back in 2010, I think it was..
I came across this, I forget how.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/boyfriend-doesnt-have-ebola-probably.html

Anyway it lifted me and I went straight to reading her whole blog and followed it. So it seemed only right that when a book was published that my preorder was in!
Book Demo

Allie writes and illustrates her childhood, animals and her own struggle with depression in a way that is candid, honest and brings a smile to your face.
There isn’t a huge amount you can say to review this book. It’s great. If you read her book you’ll love it! If you haven’t read the blog then why not.

Get over there, blog and book, I promise you won’t regret it.

I owe a huge personal thank you to Allie, I only hope there’s more to come!

 

I’m Cheap!!!!

For those that know me this will come as no suprise but I’m cheap.

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Yeah, one and the same thing right?

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This is what I like to see. This is the price I like to pay. I don’t want to be cheap and cheerful, for a change I’d like to be rich and miserable.

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See above picture? I would be so HAPPY. I LOVE books!!!!

Which gets me back on topic.

I’m actually paying for this book!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Electricity-Ray-Robinson-ebook/dp/B003GK22L6/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1410463860&sr=8-4&keywords=ELECTRICITY

Now, obviously I haven’t read it yet but expect it soon!!!!!!

Product Description

Lily’s epilepsy means she’s used to seeing the world in terms of angles — you look at every surface, you weigh up every corner, and you think of your head slamming into it — but what would she be like without her sharp edges? Prickly, spiky, up-front honest and down-to-earth practical, Lily is thirty, and life’s not easy but she gets by. Needing no-one and asking for nothing, it’s just her and her epilepsy: her constant companion. But then her mother — who Lily’s not seen for years — dies, and Lily is drawn back into a world she thought she’d long since left behind. Forced to renegotiate the boundaries of her life, she realises she has alot to learn — about relationships, about the past, and about herself — and some difficult decisions ahead of her. ‘An eviscerating debut novel . . . Its fast, furious plot, kaleidoscopic imagery, blunt observations and a wry, ingenuous, hugely compassionate heroine make Electricity a breathtaking assault on the senses’ Guardian ‘An energetic debut, bristling with talent . . . It’s black, savage, funny and rather uncomfortably haunting’ The Times ‘Ray Robinson’s Electricity is a thorny, uncompromising novel, with attitude. It is also — thanks to Lily O’Connor, its sharp-edged, hard-living, tough-talking narrator — mesmerising, uplifting and unexpectedly tender’ JIM CRACE
I’ll let you know how it goes!!!!

Thursday 07 August 2014

You can barely move nowadays without running into someone campaining for something. Adopt a dog, run for cancer… The list goes on and on. Now don’t get me wrong, all of these things are necessary and good things but when I have someone knocking on my door, and its always as you’ve just sat down to eat, then just once I want it to be a person telling me of a new initiative for Epilepsy research or a new program to help with Depression and Mental Health Illnesses..

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I’ve suffered from Mental Health Illnesses since I was a teenager and for years have been up and down, and on and off medication.

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Sitting in the doctors office at 27 years old and being told that the four visits to the neurologists in the previous five years had all been wrong was unreal. To have the neurologist explain to me that without a full scan, she couldn’t be certain but that she was convinced that not only did I have epilepsy but that I had probably had in one form or another for my entire life and that I took three separate types of seizures… well it was surreal to say the least.

My shocked expression had her calling my husband in from the waiting room where she proceeded to explain to us the various tests that would be upcoming, the appointments I’d have to go to and the tablets that she wanted me to take starting that day I was lucky to have my husband there. He listened and took it all in. I just sat.

Now it shouldn’t have been a surprise. My father had epilepsy, two of my half sisters, both from opposite sides of the family also had it as did many of my extended family.

It had been suspected a number of occasions over the years, but hearing it confirmed made it all seem that much scarier.

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So what had landed me in that office? The previous week I returned home on my lunch break, the day was sweltering hot and splashing water on my face was the last thing I remembered. Becoming aware again, I realised I was on the floor and sporting a huge bump on my forehead from where I had hit the sink.

Not thinking it serious I called my boss, returned to work until she could get someone to cover me then went home. I din’t even see a doctor till two days later when my husband forced me to, worrying that maybe I had concussion as I just didn’t seem ‘myself.’

(Now we’d had a really rotten few years before this. My husband was just overcoming a battle with cancer. 4 yrs cancer free now, yay!!!)

The following weeks were a nightmare. The amount of times I found myself on the floor, or walking with no idea how I had got there. The uneasy sensation of being almost seasick, the prickling painful pins and needles that ran across my hands and face and the smell of burning had me constantly living on edge.

 Travelling for miles to various hospitals was a nightmare. The endless poking and sticking and machines drove me to distraction. I felt certain that if I had to sit through one more exam I would loose the plot completely.

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And so I refused the last test, the one that would have me hooked to machines, in the hospital, for three days. I will not lie and tell you that the epilepsy nurse, neurologist and GP appreciated my choice but they all understood it.

Diagnosed with stress and anxiety I soon fell into a depressive state that was hard to deal with. Sinking lower and lower as the seizures continued I ended up unable to eat, sleep or even leave the house.

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Signed of work I only plummeted deeper when I realised the only social life I had surrounded work mates. And that the previous 5 years of training to be a preschool teacher were worthless. Who would hire me now, who would trust me around small children. I certainly didn’t.

Sitting home every day only caused my depression and anxiety to spiral further which in turn had a knock-on effect with my sleep and all had a knock on effect with the epilepsy. Trying to get a handle on all three is something that even now I have still not managed to do. Despite knowing that, stress, depression and lack of sleep can bring on my seizures, they are not things I can control.

I had never wanted to be on daily medications so had always shyed away from antidepressants but I figured that now I had to take epilepsy meds every day another set of tablets couldn’t hurt so I agreed to the antidepressants.

It can take a lot of swapping and changing but the only way to find the best one for you is trial and error. I have the added bonus that many counter act the benefits of the epilepsy medication.
Finding the correct balance of medication is ongoing.

Along with the epilepsy medications I also now take antidepressants and I have sleeping tablets for when things are just too crazy with my sleeping pattern. Since I’ve done these my seizures have altered. Instead of suffering multiple seizures every day I now find myself having weeks with none. Now I’m not saying that everything is fine and perfect, it’s not. I still have seizures and they’re still bad. I still have very low moods and there are still times when I could just scream with the feelings elicited within me.

The significant problem for me has always been the lack of control over my own body. Not knowing when a seizure will strike, how it will be, who will witness it.. they are all worries, but I found that you can either let them get you down or you can move past it.

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Now the worry is still there but it no longer controls my life. I refuse to be a victim to epilepsy, I refuse to allow it to keep me a prisoner in my own home. Again this wasn’t something that happened overnight. It took two years of moping around the house before I realised I could help myself.

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Again this isn’t something that happened at once, it is ongoing. I gave in and saw the mental health nurse and together with my other doctors I’m improving every day.
There is no miracle cure, no wonder day when everything is fixed. You just have to hope that today will be a bit better.

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The other hard part was the loss of my wage. There are benefits out there, it’s just complicated to work them all out. Luckily I found https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/help-support. They were really helpful.

Epilepsy is part of who I am, but it is not the only part. Depression is a part of who I am, but it is not the only part.

It may take time, but persevere, it doesn’t have to be all you are either.

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I now have one book published, this active website and more books to come. Epilepsy and Depression don’t have to ruin your life, let them be your new start.

 

Famous People who had/have epilepsy.
Vincent van Gogh
Sir Isaac Newton
Napoleon Bonaparte
Agatha Christie
Charles Dickens
Leonardo Da Vinci
Theodore Roosevelt
George Frederick Handel
Lord Byron
Peter Tchaikovsky
Sir Walter Scott

There are many, check out this site.. http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/epilepsy-famous.shtml for more names and more information about the ones listed above.

Always report any incidents, changes, seizures etc to your GP, neurologist, epilepsy nurse.

 

Famous people who had/have Depression or a Mental Health Illness. Depression is hard to catergorize as there are so many types, ie, postpartum depression, bipolar disorder etc.

Owen Wilson
Heath Ledger
Demi Lovato
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Princess Diana

(info from here http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20526304,00.html)

 

 On a serious note, there are people to listen. If you are struggling and feel you have no one to talk to try here,

http://www.suicide-prevention.org.uk/

Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

 

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I saw this, and thought it was a lovely way to pass on a message…

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