Review – Silence – Natasha Preston

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http://www.amazon.co.uk/Silence-Natasha-Preston-ebook/dp/B009SV1YCU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1431965131&sr=8-2&keywords=Silence+-+Natasha+Preston

 

Review – Silence – Natasha Preston

We’ve all had the moments in time when for some reason or another we can’t talk. Pain or fear or another emotion overcomes us and the words just won’t come.
It feels safer that way.
But what if the words don’t come for a day? Or a week? What if they don’t come for years, what if it’s safer that way?
And what if, in the middle of all of this you’re a teenage girl? If you’re struggling to not show the major crush you have on your best friend because you’re just not good enough.

“He was perfect, and I was broken.”

This is life for Oakley.

Holding her secret so close its eating away at her.

“I actually believed what he was saying, he was that good at lying.”

What if the one person who should always protect you doesn’t? What if he’s the reason?

Oakley’s story proves that sometimes a dad doesn’t protect his daughter. Because he isn’t the one physically harming her doesn’t mean he’s not abusing her.

We watch as Oakley explores new , stronger feelings for Cole. We see her struggle to convince herself that he means it when he tells her he loves her.

“His eyes locked on my lips for a second, and he tangled his fingers in my hair.”

And just when you think it’s alright. That her silence doesn’t need to be a problem, Cole receives a phone call he could never expect.

After being silent for over a decade, Oakley’s voice brings a tale so heartbreaking you won’t be able to stop your tears.

“Everyone went silent and just cried. It still felt like a nightmare.”

 

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Review – Falling for a Bentley – Adriana Law

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http://www.amazon.co.uk/Falling-Bentley-romantic-suspense-Book-ebook/dp/B00D1XL552/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431964968&sr=8-1&keywords=Falling+for+a+Bentley+-+Adriana+Law

Review - Falling for a Bentley - Adriana Law
 
"The basement is where I make my birds."
 
Victoria was a completely normal, overlooked teenage girl until she begun to date Colton Bentley, the most popular boy in school. 
Apart from her accident.
 
"A scar, a limp,  a bad hand, inept social skills, the list goes on.."
 
 
Whilst he seems happy, she seems more interested in keeping her demanding mother happy. Colton seems to want different things than she does, and he wants her to be something she isn't. 
 
"Every little detail has to be right."
 
Just as she makes the decision to put an end to their charade of a relationship, Colton's parents die. How can she break up with him just when he needs her most?
 
Encouraged by her mum to stay at his and help in any way she can, Victoria soon discovers her Bentley isn't everything she'd hoped. Nor is his uncle or cousins.
 
Sometimes she just wants to be herself, not to have to hide behind the carefully cultivated facade she has erected.
 
"I'm okay.
 I lied."
 
Everything was moving sedatley along until the death of Colton's family shows up. An uncle who clearly disapproves of her, one cousin who is a friendly, flirty type of character and the other cousin...
 
Sterling Bentley is everything mother's warn their good girls away from, so why cant she turn away? Sexual tension radiates within every encounter between them.
 
"I might combust in my seat if he doesn't stop staring as if he can see through to my soul."
 
Running away to his LA apartment with him she takes on the role of friend. Surprised by the ever increasing depravity of Sterling's life she is desperate to help him. Not just because she's falling for the brief glimpses of the real Sterling she occasionally sees, but because she really does want to be his friend. She really does care.
 
"And even though I know I shouldn't, I do. I do want him."
 
We flick between Sterling and Victoria's viewpoint. Sterling calls Victoria, Phoenix.
 
"But Phoenix isn't just any other girl."
 
 
We also meet Starr, who could have been something important to Sterling romantically if they hadn't both been drug addicts. Starr is now clean and getting on with her life. Victoria and Starr become friends as they hunt out Sterling who has been missing for four days. 
 
Then we get to go through home rehab with him. And experience everything from his and Victoria's viewpoint.
 
"Never in life have I seen someone's body drive them to intentionally destroy it."
Just when it seems the worst is over, just when Victoria and Sterling's relationship moves onto the next level, it all becomes too much.
 
"'Tu es mon feu' I whispered.
You are my fire."
 
Victoria's world crashes.
When you can't save the guy you love from himself, how long do you fight the facts? Then she suffers a family bereavement.
 
"I'm on autopilot with only one thought, and that is to get home."
 
Back at home, with her mother's support, Victoria makes the decision that any relationship between her and Sterling is over. Finished.
 
"He walks away thinking time will change things.
He's wrong."
 
Life moves on. About a year or so later Victoria has her own woodcarving store.
Volunteering at a meeting for recovering addicts she is surprised by the reappearance of Sawyer, then Starr. And who is in the parking lot?
 
"I take off running, throwing myself into his arms."
 
Sterling Bentley has come to share his story with other recovering addicts.
 
"Addiction doesn't discriminate."

O if for…

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O is for….

OHANA

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But it also needs to be for all the other nice thoughts that Disney gave us.
I know there are those who see only the negative but sometimes yoou just need to look a little closely at the messages and morals….
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In memory of Jazz

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Yesterday (Sunday 17th May) I lost my beloved dachshund, Jazz. And then this morning I woke for the first time without her.
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My little Jazz is with me all day, every day. We spend every minute together. Literally!

Early on we found she was sensitive to my epilepsy and changing moods.  She became my constant companion and so the prospect of being without her hurts.

A lot.

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So now I need to learn to be without her. And i need to find a way to remember that she’s no longer in pain. Wherever it is they go she’s happy there.

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So whilst I spend a while in my thoughts of my happy little doggy I leave you with some pictures of her.
To make you smile.

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Sunday Review – Allie Brosh – Hyperbole and a half

So I thought long and hard about what to review.
Ok, I’m lying, I didn’t.

I DID initially plan to review a film or something. I was thinking about how I’d only reviewed book, unless you count forcing the poor husband to cook! But I just felt like crap and realised it probably wasn’t a good idea to do anything too taxing.

In my ‘feeling down and low and sorry for myself’ state I pulled a book off my bookcase that always makes me smile.

Book Cover Final three

I found Hyperbole and a half as a website back in 2010, I think it was..
I came across this, I forget how.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/boyfriend-doesnt-have-ebola-probably.html

Anyway it lifted me and I went straight to reading her whole blog and followed it. So it seemed only right that when a book was published that my preorder was in!
Book Demo

Allie writes and illustrates her childhood, animals and her own struggle with depression in a way that is candid, honest and brings a smile to your face.
There isn’t a huge amount you can say to review this book. It’s great. If you read her book you’ll love it! If you haven’t read the blog then why not.

Get over there, blog and book, I promise you won’t regret it.

I owe a huge personal thank you to Allie, I only hope there’s more to come!

 

The Tin Man – Nina Mason

I reveiwed Nina Mason’s last book here and now I’m going to do her next.

 

https://eruthvenstevenson.com/2014/08/03/sunday-review-nina-masons-the-queen-of-swords/

 

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The Tin Man – Nina Mason

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tin-Man-Nina-Mason-ebook/dp/B00N47DJRM/ref=la_B00J5N2PX8_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1410167053&sr=1-1

http://ninamasonauthor.com/the-tin-man/

Synoposis (taken from Amazon)

Product Description

The last thing Alex Buchanan, the editor-in-chief of a formidable news site, expects as he looks around the newsroom at the bodies of his editors, is that he’ll soon be teaming up with The Ball Buster to solve the crime and stay alive. Well, maybe not the last thing. The last thing he expects is to fall for her or any other woman. Because he’s The Tin Man–a suit of armor without a heart. Or so he believes… The Ball Buster is his private nickname for Thea Hamilton, a smart, gutsy, and insecure investigative reporter for The New York News, America’s newspaper of record. They went out once years ago–an unmitigated disaster during which she jumped all over his case about smoking. When events force them together, they embark on an emotion-charged, high-octane quest for the truth, ending up in bed, but also in the clutches of a sociopathic corporate raider. “Zeus” is obsessed with James Bond and owns a hardcore S & M club in an old fallout shelter. Is he the killer? And, if so, what’s his motive? What he hopes to gain by torturing the journalists is clearer: the proof they’ve uncovered of a corporate takeover scheme that threatens the future of democracy. And he’ll stop at nothing to get it.

Firstly, I told Nina herself that I expected to like this 2nd novel more than her first and I wasn’t mistaken. Now don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed her first novel, The Queen of Swords but I do love The Tin Man just more.

This is a completely different style for Ms Mason and another she has excelled in!

Realistic, believable characters transport you through a variety of twists and turns so complex your head will spin. And yet Nina does it with such style!

Not for the faint hearted, this is a fast paced, dark tale that delves into the very lowest dregs of humanity and pulls you out the other side. There is no cutting corners with the characters, these are not your run of the mill happily ever after sort. They’re real and they’re gritty.

Murder, suspense and political turns wind you deeper into the tangled web of deceit that is portrayed in America today showing the false and sometimes seedy world of journalism and how the “freedom of the press” works, delves and is sometimes denied.

A complicated attraction takes place between the two main characters. One sprouting numerous issues as they try to fight their rising sexual desire for one another whilst investigating the horrendous murders and kidnaps.

For a fiction work, Nina Mason succeeds in raising real issues in a thrilling plot that will have you on the edge of your seat and contemplating the true struggle of the.. umm.. ‘excrement’ attributed to major coporations and press, not just in America but worldwide.

She also hits on mental health and post traumatic stress with a wonderful realism that shows that Ms Mason has yet again done the research involved with two traumatically affected characters.

If you haven’t yet read this then I advise you to waste no time in purchasing it, you won’t regret it!

Rest in Peace Robin Williams 1951-2014

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It seems my Thursday thought has taken on an even deeper meaning as this morning the world reels from the news of beloved comedian, Robin Williams, being found dead.

You can’t tell what goes on inside people. Sometime it becomes to hard to place that ‘I’m OK’ mask on every day.
So here’s my thoughts heading for the ones he left behind, my hopes that peace has finally found him, my secret yearning that he cocks a leg up the pearly gates whilst yelling ‘mine’ (if you dont get the reference you need to watch his stand up more).
And heres my hope for you. Share a hug. Even if they say they’re ok, some aren’t.

Robin Williams 1951-2014. I defy you to ever forget this man!

 

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Thursday 07 August 2014

You can barely move nowadays without running into someone campaining for something. Adopt a dog, run for cancer… The list goes on and on. Now don’t get me wrong, all of these things are necessary and good things but when I have someone knocking on my door, and its always as you’ve just sat down to eat, then just once I want it to be a person telling me of a new initiative for Epilepsy research or a new program to help with Depression and Mental Health Illnesses..

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I’ve suffered from Mental Health Illnesses since I was a teenager and for years have been up and down, and on and off medication.

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Sitting in the doctors office at 27 years old and being told that the four visits to the neurologists in the previous five years had all been wrong was unreal. To have the neurologist explain to me that without a full scan, she couldn’t be certain but that she was convinced that not only did I have epilepsy but that I had probably had in one form or another for my entire life and that I took three separate types of seizures… well it was surreal to say the least.

My shocked expression had her calling my husband in from the waiting room where she proceeded to explain to us the various tests that would be upcoming, the appointments I’d have to go to and the tablets that she wanted me to take starting that day I was lucky to have my husband there. He listened and took it all in. I just sat.

Now it shouldn’t have been a surprise. My father had epilepsy, two of my half sisters, both from opposite sides of the family also had it as did many of my extended family.

It had been suspected a number of occasions over the years, but hearing it confirmed made it all seem that much scarier.

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So what had landed me in that office? The previous week I returned home on my lunch break, the day was sweltering hot and splashing water on my face was the last thing I remembered. Becoming aware again, I realised I was on the floor and sporting a huge bump on my forehead from where I had hit the sink.

Not thinking it serious I called my boss, returned to work until she could get someone to cover me then went home. I din’t even see a doctor till two days later when my husband forced me to, worrying that maybe I had concussion as I just didn’t seem ‘myself.’

(Now we’d had a really rotten few years before this. My husband was just overcoming a battle with cancer. 4 yrs cancer free now, yay!!!)

The following weeks were a nightmare. The amount of times I found myself on the floor, or walking with no idea how I had got there. The uneasy sensation of being almost seasick, the prickling painful pins and needles that ran across my hands and face and the smell of burning had me constantly living on edge.

 Travelling for miles to various hospitals was a nightmare. The endless poking and sticking and machines drove me to distraction. I felt certain that if I had to sit through one more exam I would loose the plot completely.

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And so I refused the last test, the one that would have me hooked to machines, in the hospital, for three days. I will not lie and tell you that the epilepsy nurse, neurologist and GP appreciated my choice but they all understood it.

Diagnosed with stress and anxiety I soon fell into a depressive state that was hard to deal with. Sinking lower and lower as the seizures continued I ended up unable to eat, sleep or even leave the house.

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Signed of work I only plummeted deeper when I realised the only social life I had surrounded work mates. And that the previous 5 years of training to be a preschool teacher were worthless. Who would hire me now, who would trust me around small children. I certainly didn’t.

Sitting home every day only caused my depression and anxiety to spiral further which in turn had a knock-on effect with my sleep and all had a knock on effect with the epilepsy. Trying to get a handle on all three is something that even now I have still not managed to do. Despite knowing that, stress, depression and lack of sleep can bring on my seizures, they are not things I can control.

I had never wanted to be on daily medications so had always shyed away from antidepressants but I figured that now I had to take epilepsy meds every day another set of tablets couldn’t hurt so I agreed to the antidepressants.

It can take a lot of swapping and changing but the only way to find the best one for you is trial and error. I have the added bonus that many counter act the benefits of the epilepsy medication.
Finding the correct balance of medication is ongoing.

Along with the epilepsy medications I also now take antidepressants and I have sleeping tablets for when things are just too crazy with my sleeping pattern. Since I’ve done these my seizures have altered. Instead of suffering multiple seizures every day I now find myself having weeks with none. Now I’m not saying that everything is fine and perfect, it’s not. I still have seizures and they’re still bad. I still have very low moods and there are still times when I could just scream with the feelings elicited within me.

The significant problem for me has always been the lack of control over my own body. Not knowing when a seizure will strike, how it will be, who will witness it.. they are all worries, but I found that you can either let them get you down or you can move past it.

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Now the worry is still there but it no longer controls my life. I refuse to be a victim to epilepsy, I refuse to allow it to keep me a prisoner in my own home. Again this wasn’t something that happened overnight. It took two years of moping around the house before I realised I could help myself.

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Again this isn’t something that happened at once, it is ongoing. I gave in and saw the mental health nurse and together with my other doctors I’m improving every day.
There is no miracle cure, no wonder day when everything is fixed. You just have to hope that today will be a bit better.

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The other hard part was the loss of my wage. There are benefits out there, it’s just complicated to work them all out. Luckily I found https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/help-support. They were really helpful.

Epilepsy is part of who I am, but it is not the only part. Depression is a part of who I am, but it is not the only part.

It may take time, but persevere, it doesn’t have to be all you are either.

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I now have one book published, this active website and more books to come. Epilepsy and Depression don’t have to ruin your life, let them be your new start.

 

Famous People who had/have epilepsy.
Vincent van Gogh
Sir Isaac Newton
Napoleon Bonaparte
Agatha Christie
Charles Dickens
Leonardo Da Vinci
Theodore Roosevelt
George Frederick Handel
Lord Byron
Peter Tchaikovsky
Sir Walter Scott

There are many, check out this site.. http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/epilepsy-famous.shtml for more names and more information about the ones listed above.

Always report any incidents, changes, seizures etc to your GP, neurologist, epilepsy nurse.

 

Famous people who had/have Depression or a Mental Health Illness. Depression is hard to catergorize as there are so many types, ie, postpartum depression, bipolar disorder etc.

Owen Wilson
Heath Ledger
Demi Lovato
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Princess Diana

(info from here http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20526304,00.html)

 

 On a serious note, there are people to listen. If you are struggling and feel you have no one to talk to try here,

http://www.suicide-prevention.org.uk/

Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

 

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I saw this, and thought it was a lovely way to pass on a message…

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