Review - Falling for a Bentley - Adriana Law "The basement is where I make my birds." Victoria was a completely normal, overlooked teenage girl until she begun to date Colton Bentley, the most popular boy in school. Apart from her accident. "A scar, a limp, a bad hand, inept social skills, the list goes on.." Whilst he seems happy, she seems more interested in keeping her demanding mother happy. Colton seems to want different things than she does, and he wants her to be something she isn't. "Every little detail has to be right." Just as she makes the decision to put an end to their charade of a relationship, Colton's parents die. How can she break up with him just when he needs her most? Encouraged by her mum to stay at his and help in any way she can, Victoria soon discovers her Bentley isn't everything she'd hoped. Nor is his uncle or cousins. Sometimes she just wants to be herself, not to have to hide behind the carefully cultivated facade she has erected. "I'm okay. I lied." Everything was moving sedatley along until the death of Colton's family shows up. An uncle who clearly disapproves of her, one cousin who is a friendly, flirty type of character and the other cousin... Sterling Bentley is everything mother's warn their good girls away from, so why cant she turn away? Sexual tension radiates within every encounter between them. "I might combust in my seat if he doesn't stop staring as if he can see through to my soul." Running away to his LA apartment with him she takes on the role of friend. Surprised by the ever increasing depravity of Sterling's life she is desperate to help him. Not just because she's falling for the brief glimpses of the real Sterling she occasionally sees, but because she really does want to be his friend. She really does care. "And even though I know I shouldn't, I do. I do want him." We flick between Sterling and Victoria's viewpoint. Sterling calls Victoria, Phoenix. "But Phoenix isn't just any other girl." We also meet Starr, who could have been something important to Sterling romantically if they hadn't both been drug addicts. Starr is now clean and getting on with her life. Victoria and Starr become friends as they hunt out Sterling who has been missing for four days. Then we get to go through home rehab with him. And experience everything from his and Victoria's viewpoint. "Never in life have I seen someone's body drive them to intentionally destroy it." Just when it seems the worst is over, just when Victoria and Sterling's relationship moves onto the next level, it all becomes too much. "'Tu es mon feu' I whispered. You are my fire." Victoria's world crashes. When you can't save the guy you love from himself, how long do you fight the facts? Then she suffers a family bereavement. "I'm on autopilot with only one thought, and that is to get home." Back at home, with her mother's support, Victoria makes the decision that any relationship between her and Sterling is over. Finished. "He walks away thinking time will change things. He's wrong." Life moves on. About a year or so later Victoria has her own woodcarving store. Volunteering at a meeting for recovering addicts she is surprised by the reappearance of Sawyer, then Starr. And who is in the parking lot? "I take off running, throwing myself into his arms." Sterling Bentley has come to share his story with other recovering addicts. "Addiction doesn't discriminate."
My little Jazz is with me all day, every day. We spend every minute together. Literally!
Early on we found she was sensitive to my epilepsy and changing moods. She became my constant companion and so the prospect of being without her hurts.
So now I need to learn to be without her. And i need to find a way to remember that she’s no longer in pain. Wherever it is they go she’s happy there.
So whilst I spend a while in my thoughts of my happy little doggy I leave you with some pictures of her.
To make you smile.
Unfortunately loss has touched our lifes again. Grief and bereavement touch each person in a different way but it must be felt, it must be experienced.
“While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.” – John Taylor.
“Heaven is a place nearby, so there’s no need to say goodbye.” – Lene Marlin
“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell
“Bereavement is a darkness impenetrable to the imagination of the unbereaved.” – Jane Welsh Carlyle
“Bereavement is the deepest initiation into the mysteries of human life, an initiation more searching and profound than even happy love.” – William Ralph Inge
“Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereavement.” – Jane Welsh Carlyle
“Peace, peace! he is not dead, he doth not sleep — he hath awakened from the dream of life — ‘Tis we, who lost in stormy visions, keep with phantoms an unprofitable strife.” – Percy Bysshe Shelley
“If, as I can’t help suspecting, the dead also feel the pains of separation (and this may be one of their purgatorial sufferings), then for both lovers, and for all pairs of lovers without exception, bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love.” – C. S. Lewis
“For precious friends hid in death’s dateless night.” – William Shakespeare
“We feel at first as if some opportunities of kindness and sympathy were lost, but learn afterward that any pure grief is ample recompense for all. That is, if we are faithful; — for a spent grief is but sympathy with the soul that disposes events, and is as natural as the resin of Arabian trees. — Only nature has a right to grieve perpetually, for she only is innocent. Soon the ice will melt, and the blackbirds sing along the river which he frequented, as pleasantly as ever. The same everlasting serenity will appear in this face of God, and we will not be sorrowful, if he is not.” – Henry David Thoreau
“Bereavement is the sharpest challenge to our trust in God; if faith can overcome this, there is no mountain which it cannot remove.” – Dean Inge
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.” – Henri Nouwen
“Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereavement. I will not try it. Time is the only comforter for the loss of a mother.” – Jules Renard
“Those we love don’t go away, They walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near, Still loved, still missed and very dear. …Wishing you hope in the midst of sorrow, Comfort in the midst of pain.” – Anonymous
“We pray God will Comfort you, And send Angels from above, Giving sweet peace within your heart, Surrounding you with Eternal Love. We are sorry for your deep loss, There’s so little we can find to say, You are in our thoughts and prayers, As we grieve with you today. With Our Heartfelt Sympathy. – Leona Miller
“Although no words can really help to ease the loss you bear, Just know that you are very close in every thought and prayer. To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell
Death is the mother of Beauty; hence from her, Alone, shall come fulfillment to our dreams. And our desires.” – Wallace Stevens
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” – Isaac Asimov
“Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and to be able to grow.” – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
“The timing of death, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it.” – Mary Catherine Bateson
“To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die. – Thomas Campbell, “Hallowed Ground”
“Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. – Rossiter Worthington Raymond
“When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” – Author Unknown
“Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.” – Author Unknown
“For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.” – William Penn
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a 1,000 winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled light
I am the soft star that shines at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.
~by Mary Frye (1932)
Today is the wonderful Vonda Sinclair’s birthday and I’m sure I’m not alone in wishing her a very happy day.
But wishing her a happy birthday this year I’m sure is tinged with sadness, you see, towards the end of last month I learnt that this glorious woman lost her beloved husband of 20+ years. No funeral for my family has ever been complete without a hymn that means a lot to me personally, and so I dedicate this video to what must have been a truly wonderful and inspiring man.
Vonda, my thoughts are with you.
All the books in the Highland Adventure Series by Vonda Sinclair are standalone books, but they are also interrelated. I hope you enjoy them!
My Fierce Highlander (Book 1)
Gwyneth Carswell, an English lady banished by her father to the harsh Scottish Highlands, wants nothing more than to take her young son away from the violence of two fighting clans–her own distant kin, the MacIrwins, and their enemies, the MacGraths. She risks everything to rescue the fierce MacGrath warrior from the battlefield where he’s left for dead by her clan. She only knows she is inexplicably drawn to him and he wants peace as she does. When her clan learns of her betrayal, they seek vengeance. Dare she trust the enemy more than her own family?
Laird Alasdair MacGrath is driven to end two-hundred years of feuding with the MacIrwins. But by taking in and protecting Lady Gwyneth and her son, he provokes more attacks from his mortal enemy. As the danger and conflict surrounding them escalate, Alasdair and Gwyneth discover an explosive passion neither of them expected. With the arrival of a powerful man from her past, a horrible decision confronts her–give up her son or the man she loves.Wonderfully packed with stunning love and wild adventures, Vonda Sinclair’s first book in the Highland Adventure series is just what an exciting Scottish historic romance should be.
Possibly sporting my all time favourite first line of any book I have EVER read, “A stiff breeze carried the scent of bruised grass and blood on its icy breath.” This line, for me, is instantly evocative of the battle that had took place and the harshness of the Highland weather. I am also thrilled with the first meeting, even if Alasdair is unconscious and therefore unaware of being hidden beneath the lady’s skirts.
Gwyneth’ s character is instantly likeable, within the first few pages you learn of her strength and bravery as she helps an unknown member of an enemy clan. You instantly know of her deep love for her small son and her aims for a better life for him.
McIrwin and Southwicke are obvious in their deplorable characters and yet at the same time Vonda Sinclair gives even them in-depth personalities explaining the horrid nature of their motives.
I love how Alasdair and Gwyneth both try so desperately to not give into their growing regard for each other. This book portrays the beauty of a love not understood and fought against only to be ultimately conceded to, set admist the beautiful highland backdrop of Kintalon this tale is extraordinarily stunning.
My favourite part of this book is probably the image of Alasdair standing before his fireplace and telling Gwyneth that he didn’t want her to leave. A swoon worthy moment if there ever was one!!!
So all in all I absolutely love this book, and the entire Highland Adventure series, this story also comes with a wonderful introduction to the character of Lachlan who is easily my favourite of all of Vonda Sinclair’s characters.
I truly believe that the very talented Vonda Sinclair gives you a little bit of magic in her creations and I would urge anyone who hasn’t experienced the delights of this author to do so now.
My Wild Highlander (Book 2)
Lady Angelique Drummagan, a half-Scottish, half-French countess, has suffered much pain and betrayal in her past. She wants nothing to do with the sensual Scottish warrior that the king has ordered her to marry because the rogue could never be a faithful husband, but she has little choice in the matter. Dangerous, greedy enemies threaten her from all sides and she’s in dire need of his protection. Sir Lachlan MacGrath, known as Seducer of the Highlands, possesses a charming wickedness and canny wit which has earned him much popularity. After the king decrees that he wed the fiery hellion, Lachlan discovers there is one woman who can resist him–Angelique. Can he break through her icy façade and melt her heart, or will the dark secrets lurking in her past not only cost them their future together, but their very lives?
(I must admit to some bias being that Lachlan is my absolute favourite character.)
Who doesn’t secretly long fora sensual, wild Scottish highland warrior like Lachlan? He is easily one of my favourite characters created by the very talented Vonda Sinclair. I was half way towards being in love with him as he featured in his brothers tale, (My Fierce Highlander, Highland Adventure book one). Now after being fully introduced to him in his own tale I defy you to not swoon over his well thought out character.
The multiple layers of his personality shine through, easily highlighting this author’s superb talent and imagination. We see his passionate side, his gentle and caring side especially when it comes to his two small sons, we witness his fiercely protective side and his unerring loyalty and bravery. We watch as this complex character undergoes a complete transformation, going from an irresponsible and wildly womanizing man to the fierce chief and dedicated husband.
A wonderfully descriptive beginning shows how Lady Angelique Drummagan, certain that she despises all men, is an unwitting witness to Lachlan’ s more carnal desires. Naturally she believes herself to be immune to Lachlan’s charm and yet when offered a selection of three possible grooms it seems he is the best choice, not to mention the King’ s choice and so they wed. The wedding is a nice twist as we witness a night wedding with the bride barefoot and in disarray.
The disagreement over the next in line when the only heir is female is a central point to this tale and raises questions that are dealt with superbly.
Off course the absolute central of this is the unwitting love between Lachlan and Angelique. We watch as the couple argue ceaselessly, their behaviours and thoughts becoming entwined as a love that neither expected or wanted develops between the passionate couple. Angelique is the perfect heroine in this, her fiery and independent nature is exactly right.
Yet again Vonda Sinclair gives her gift to us all wrapped up in suspense, passion and intrigue. This author truly is a master of the written word and I look forward to reading her work for many years to come.
My Brave Highlander (Book 3)
Battle-hardened warrior Dirk MacLerie isn’t who everyone thinks he is. He’s Dirk MacKay, heir apparent to the MacKay chiefdom and Dunnakeil Castle on the far north coast of Scotland. When he returns home after a long absence, will his clan know him and will the duplicitous enemy who tried to murder him twelve years ago kill him in truth this time? Lady Isobel MacKenzie is a beautiful young widow betrothed to yet another Highland chief by her brother’s order. But when her future brother-in-law accosts her and threatens to kill her, she is forced to flee into a Highland snowstorm. When she runs into a rugged and imposing man she thought dead, she wonders if he will turn her over to her enemy or take her to safety. Dirk remembers the enchanting, dark-eyed Isobel from when he was a lad, but now she is bound to another man by legal contract—an important detail she would prefer to forget. She wishes to choose her own husband and has her sights set on Dirk. But he would never steal another man’s bride… would he? The tantalizing lady fires up his passions, testing his willpower and honor at every turn, even as some of his own treacherous clansmen plot his downfall.
I had almost forgotten the delights of Dirk and Isobel’s story. It truly is a tale of overcoming adversity. Poor Isobel, widowed already is forced to defend herself against her future brother in law and flee the home of her betrothed. It is by chance that herself and her faithful maid cross paths with Dirk, Rebbie and a man servant. Dirk is returning to his home after a long absence after his step mother repeatedly tried to kill him when he was a child.
Both have so much to overcome and whilst Dirk is certain he should honour Isobel and not take her as he wishes eventually they come together.
Theirs is a love match and they both seem so very suited to one another.
I truly hope the series continues, there are characters that stir me that I would love to see more of.
Again I am recommending these books to EVERYONE!! I promise you will not be disappointed!
My Daring Highlander (Book 4)
Beautiful and fiercely protective of those she loves, Lady Seona Murray captured Keegan MacKay’s attention when she first set foot in Dunnakeil Castle. Though she is a chief’s daughter and forbidden, Keegan has fallen in love with her from afar and burns to possess her. But so does the clan traitor, Haldane, an obsessive outlaw bent on murder and kidnapping. Sinfully handsome, Keegan MacKay is a fearsome guard as well as the chief’s cousin, but Seona’s father would never consider him a worthy husband for her because he is not a titled laird. Seona has secretly watched the sensual, tawny-haired warrior from across the crowded great hall for months, but when he is tasked with escorting her across Scotland, back to her home, their simmering attraction flames into sizzling passion with just one kiss. Though she fears she is endangering Keegan’s life, Seona cannot resist his seductive charm or his spellbinding kisses. Keegan sets fire to the memories of her sad past and shows her what it means to truly live. But her father has other plans. He’s arranged for her to marry a wealthy Lowland laird. Is Keegan daring enough to steal her away? Or will the vindictive Haldane snatch her first?
We see more of Haldane and McMurdo as they attempt time and again to kill Dirk and kidnap Seona. We’re witness to Haldane’s attempts becoming more and more desperate as he tries to take by force what he believes is his right to be laird, and the woman he believes he loves to be his wife.
Keegan and Seona’s love story is sweet and chaste and Keegan tries to woo Seona knowing her father will never agree to the match but loving her so much he knows he has to try. We meet Seona’ s younger sister and learn of their abuse at their fathers hands.
Again Vonda Sinclair’s tempting tales of love and adventure in the highlands will have you laughing, crying and loving right along with characters both new and old.
The Highland Adventure series is just what a highland romance should be. I am certain that I am not the only one who prays for more…..
If youre reading this review and wandering if you should try these books then the answer is a resounding yes, give this series a go you won’t regret this series, ever.
My Notorious Highlander (Book 5)
Chief Torrin MacLeod vows to possess and wed the spirited lady who stole his heart the previous winter. But Lady Jessie MacKay wants naught to do with the dangerous warrior, no matter how devilishly handsome and charming he is. When Torrin arrives unexpectedly at Jessie’s home, along with Gregor MacBain, a man Jessie was formerly handfasted to, she is thrown off-kilter. She never wanted to see either man again, but now they are vying for her hand. Torrin promises to protect her from the devious MacBain, but how can she trust Torrin when she has witnessed how lethal he is? The more time Torrin spends with the strong and independent Jessie, the more determined he is to win her heart. Once she allows him a kiss, he feels her passion flame as hot as his own. After she knows Torrin better, Jessie finds herself falling for the fearsome Highlander. But the odds are stacked against them. The sinister MacBain is bent on kidnapping Jessie, making her his bride and killing Torrin, while Jessie’s conniving younger brother, Haldane, is determined to use Jessie to take over the castle in his older brother’s absence. Jessie fears she can never be with the man she loves, while Torrin will do everything in his power to ensure they are together forever. In his heart, she is the only lady for him.
It’s refreshing to see the man the one certain of his feelings. It is Torrin who knows that he will do anything to have Jessie as his wife, and he really does have to work hard to convince her.
Give me this series of books any day, with handsome warriors and courageous heroines. Time we’ll spent!
Further congratulations to the wonderful Vonda Sinclair who continues to delight with her amazing work.
Now I just have to wait for the next book, I’m excited to learn Rebbie’s story, I’m developing as big a soft spot for him as I have for Lachlan.
I’m tempted now to simply return to the beginning and read the whole series again!!!
My Rebel Highlander (Book 6)
Known for his wicked wit, fierce loyalty, and skills in battle, Robert “Rebbie” MacInnis, the Earl of Rebbinglen, loves freedom and has no plans of marrying anytime soon. But when his father, a powerful Scottish marquess, signs a contract betrothing Rebbie to an earl’s young daughter, he is furious. If he has to marry, he’s determined to choose his own bride, though he has no inkling who he would wish to wed until fate intervenes to remind him of one fair-haired, nameless beauty and the passionate night they spent together years ago. A night forever etched in his memory. Lady Calla Ferguson, a penniless widow with a young son, is forced to seek employment as her cousin’s companion in order to pay her late husband’s massive gambling debt. Having been ignored or mistreated most of her life, Calla has become a resourceful survivor who will stop at nothing to get what she wants—safety and security for her son and herself. Wealthy merchant, Claybourne cares little for the money the Earl of Stanbury owed him; he simply wants the earl’s beautiful, voluptuous widow and he’ll do whatever it takes to get his hands on her, even kidnapping and blackmail. When Rebbie happens upon Claybourne abducting Calla, he rescues her and hides her in a secluded castle deep in the wild Scottish Highlands. Calla conceals her passionate spirit beneath reserve and duty, along with closely-guarded secrets which, if exposed, could ruin both her life and her son’s. Years ago, she lost her heart to a dark-eyed stranger she never thought to see again, but now he’s her protector. Rebbie craves another pleasurable night like the one they shared in the past, and she cannot resist the fiery passion that echoes deep in her heart and soul. Soft but strong, Calla sparks within Rebbie a desperate hunger and a need to protect her. But will her secrets tear them apart?
Amazon Bio below..
Vonda Sinclair’s favorite indulgent pastime is exploring Scotland, from Edinburgh to the untamed and windblown north coast. She also enjoys creating hot, Highland heroes and spirited lasses to drive them mad. Her historical romance novels have won an EPIC Award and a National Readers’ Choice Award. She lives in the mountains of North Carolina where she is no doubt creating another Scottish story. Please visit her website at http://www.vondasinclair.com
As a child and teenager I was bullied. There was physical and mental bullying. I never really fit in anywhere and as a result I was bullied mercilessly. And it affects you for the rest of your life in ways you don’t even realize.
But worse than that. I bullied. I can’t tell you why, there is no excuse but I can tell you this nothing I say will ever make it better or take it back.
But I can apologize. And I am sorry.
I bullied you in year seven. I don’t even remember doing it let alone why. But I am sorry. Who would have thought that when I returned to Old Buckenham High in year ten that we would end up best friends?
I was rotten to when I was in yr ten, you a year above me. I teased your clothing, your likes, your looks. It’s not right and can’t be dismissed but I did it because I liked you. I guess you figured it out when I started my first year of college and we kind of ‘dated’.
Nothing can ever make bullying an excusable thing but I’m standing up and saying sorry.
Don’t accept bullying. Do something about it. Today.
Bullying can happen to anyone at any age. Being bullied at school, home or online might involve someone pushing you, hitting you, teasing you, talking about you or calling you names. Nobody has the right to hurt you or make you feel bad. If you are being bullied you don’t have to deal with it alone – talking to someone about it can often really help.
If you or a friend are being bullied, it can sometimes feel like nothing can make it stop, especially if it has been happening for a long time.
Bullying can leave you feeling anxious, depressed, lonely, worthless and scared – but it doesn’t have to be like this.
What is bullying?
Bullying can mean many different things and young people have described bullying as:
- being called names
- being put down or humiliated
- being teased
- being pushed or pulled about
- having money and other possessions taken or messed about with
- having rumours spread about you
- being ignored and left out
- being hit, kicked or physically hurt
- being threatened or intimidated
These things can happen at school or at home, but they can also happen online or on social networks.
Bullying can also be part of other forms of abuse, including neglect, emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
You are not alone
Sadly, lots of young people have experienced bullying from name-calling on social networks to physical threats.
Bullying someone because they are a different sexual orientation from you. Saying that someone is ‘gay’ or using words like ‘gay’ as an insult.
Treating people differently because of their race, the colour of their skin, where they are from or what they believe in and using offensive words that describe race to bully people.
Treating people differently based on whether they are female or male. For example, thinking that boys are better than girls.
Treating someone differently if they are disabled, or using offensive language to describe people who are disabled and using this to bully people.
Bullying someone because they look different such as if they have ginger hair or wear glasses.
Deciding that someone is from a particular social class – usually if they are seen as being rich or poor – and bullying them because of this. For example, calling somebody a, ‘chav’ or, ‘snob’.
People can be bullied for all sorts of reasons or for no particular reason at all. Sometimes people who bully others pick up on a small thing that makes someone stand out and they use it to hurt them. This might be the way someone looks, the things they like doing or even what kinds of clothes they wear.
Everyone is different, and it’s these differences that make people who they are. If you are being bullied in person or online, then you might think that it’s your fault – but it isn’t.
Types of Bullying
There are three types of bullying:
- Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:
- Inappropriate sexual comments
- Threatening to cause harm
- Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
- Leaving someone out on purpose
- Telling other children not to be friends with someone
- Spreading rumors about someone
- Embarrassing someone in public
- Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:
- Taking or breaking someone’s things
- Making mean or rude hand gestures
Where and When Bullying Happens
Bullying can occur during or after school hours. While most reported bullying happens in the school building, a significant percentage also happens in places like on the playground or the bus. It can also happen travelling to or from school, in the youth’s neighborhood, or on the Internet.
Be there for your friend
Sometimes your friend might not want to talk, but being there to listen whenever they are ready is important.
Help take their mind off it
Hanging out, going for a walk, watching a film or playing games together are good ways to take someone’s mind off their problems for a little while.
Support your friend to help them speak out about bullying
It can be very daunting to open up to an adult about your problems. Going with a friend if they’re feeling nervous is a great way to support them.
Help your friend stay safe at school
Staying in a group is a good way to help stop bullying during break times.
Walk home with your friend or sit with them on the bus
It can be hard to get away from people involved in bullying when you are on the way to or from school. Walking with a friend and sitting in a group on the bus could help stop the bullying.
Speak to ChildLine about what is happening
You can talk to ChildLine, whatever your worry – even if you are worried about something that’s happening to someone else.
Tell your friend about ChildLine
Make sure your friend knows that they can contact ChildLine any time, day or night, online or by phone. It’s free and confidential, meaning nobody else needs to know.
Find out about your school’s anti-bullying policy
It’s good to know what your school has promised to do in the event of bullying. There might be something in the policy that could help your friend.
Anyone could end up getting involved with bullying. Some people may not realise that what they are doing is bullying and might think they are just teasing, but some people deliberately set out to bully someone and make them unhappy.
You might be bullied by other young people who live near you, or who do activities outside of school with you, like sports or music. You can be bullied by people you have never met through your mobile phone or on the internet.
Members of your family can also bully you. If an adult bullies a child or young person, this is called physical or emotional abuse and it’s really important tell someone about it.
Your teachers have a duty to look after you. If they or any other adult working in the school is being mean to you, this is not fair. You have a right not to be made to feel stupid, be called names or punished unfairly. Talk to another teacher who you trust, perhaps your form teacher, and tell them what is happening.
Nobody has the right to stop you from going to school. Your school has a duty to protect you from bullying and keep you safe. Try taking a quiet moment to talk to someone you trust and tell them about the problem. That could be a teacher or someone else you feel comfortable talking to. They can get in touch with your school and work out a way to help you.
If the bullying is happening on your way to or from school there are things you can do to stop this:
• Plan a different route to school so you don’t have to go through the areas where the bullying happens
• Keep to well-lit and busy areas so that you don’t have to walk alone at any time
• Take a safety alarm with you – they are not expensive and create a loud noise which can attract help and put bullies off
• Walk with friends, or older brothers and sisters if possible
• If you are being bullied on a bus, sit downstairs rather than on the top deck and tell the driver about what is happening. If it’s a school bus then you can talk to your teacher – they are responsible for you while on a school bus and can make the bullying stop
• Keep a diary of what is happening with dates and times.
If the people bullying you go to the same school as you, it is a good idea to let the school know what is happening, no matter where or when it is they are bullying you. They may not be able to take action about incidents that happen in the evenings or at weekends, but they can make sure it doesn’t happen in school. If the bullies are being violent towards you, it could be helpful to talk to your parents or carers about involving the police who can help you.
If you are being bullied at home by one of your siblings, you should try to talk to your parents or carers about what is happening. They need to know what is going on so they can help make it stop. If you don’t feel like you can talk to a parent or carer, you can always talk to ChildLine.
If you are being bullied by your parents you could try talking to someone who is close to you. Perhaps you have another family member such as aunt or uncle that you could speak to. If you don’t have another family member to talk to, you could speak to your teacher and tell them what is happening to you.
If you are receiving nasty or threatening texts or calls on your mobile, tell an adult like a parent or teacher. They can help you put a stop to this. If it doesn’t stop you need to tell the police.
All UK mobile companies are used to dealing with nuisance calls and will have people you can call who can help you deal with this. In the meantime:
• Don’t reply to any nasty messages you receive.
• Keep the messages that you have been sent so you can show someone.
• Don’t answer any calls that are from a withheld number, or from a number
you don’t know.
• Change your mobile number and only give your new number out to close friends.
• If the problem is serious, tell the police or you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 and we can help.
Mobile phone operators can’t stop a particular number from contacting another phone, but you can do this on some types of phone. Check your phone’s user guide to see if yours can. The mobile phone operator can only take action on an account that is being used to bully you (such as blocking it) if the police are involved.
‘Sexting’ is when someone sends or is sent sexually explicit pictures or videos on their mobile phone. You might be encouraged to take pictures of yourself naked or film yourself doing things that you may not be happy about and send them to people. There may also be pressure on you to look at explicit messages that people have been sent, and to encourage other people to get involved.
It’s important to only do what you feel comfortable with. Remember that once you have sent a picture or video to someone else or put it up online, you have no control about where it will go and who will see it. Before sending anything, take a moment to think how you would feel if it ended up on YouTube or on Facebook. If you wouldn’t want anyone else to see it, don’t send it.
If you are worried about anything to do with sexting or being bullied anywhere, you can talk to ChildLine on 0800 1111.
Kids Involved in Bullying
The roles kids play in bullying are not limited to those who bully others and those who are bullied. Some researchers talk about the “circle of bullying” to define both those directly involved in bullying and those who actively or passively assist the behavior or defend against it. Direct roles include:
- Kids who Bully: These children engage in bullying behavior towards their peers. There are many risk factors that may contribute to the child’s involvement in the behavior. Often, these students require support to change their behavior and address any other challenges that may be influencing their behavior.
- Kids who are Bullied: These children are the targets of bullying behavior. Some factors put children at more risk of being bullied, but not all children with these characteristics will be bullied. Sometimes, these children may need help learning how to respond to bullying.
Even if a child is not directly involved in bullying, they may be contributing to the behavior. Witnessing the behavior may also affect the child, so it is important for them to learn what they should do when they see bullying happen. Roles kids play when they witness bullying include:
- Kids who Assist: These children may not start the bullying or lead in the bullying behavior, but serve as an “assistant” to children who are bullying. These children may encourage the bullying behavior and occasionally join in.
- Kids who Reinforce: These children are not directly involved in the bullying behavior but they give the bullying an audience. They will often laugh or provide support for the children who are engaging in bullying. This may encourage the bullying to continue.
- Outsiders: These children remain separate from the bullying situation. They neither reinforce the bullying behavior nor defend the child being bullied. Some may watch what is going on but do not provide feedback about the situation to show they are on anyone’s side. Even so, providing an audience may encourage the bullying behavior.
- These kids often want to help, but don’t know how. Learn how to be “more than a bystander”
- Kids who Defend: These children actively comfort the child being bullied and may come to the child’s defense when bullying occurs.
Most kids play more than one role in bullying over time. In some cases, they may be directly involved in bullying as the one bullying others or being bullied and in others they may witness bullying and play an assisting or defending role. Every situation is different. Some kids are both bullied and bully others. It is important to note the multiple roles kids play, because:
- Those who are both bullied and bully others may be at more risk for negative outcomes such as depression or suicidal ideation.
- It highlights the need to engage all kids in prevention efforts, not just those who are known to be directly involved
Admit to yourself that you are involved in bullying
The first step is admitting that what you are doing is hurting another person. When you know that, you can figure out how to stop.
Say sorry to the people you are bullying
It takes a great deal of courage to admit what you are doing is wrong, and apologise sincerely.
Think about what is making you bully someone
Is there something happening in your life which is making you upset, frustrated or angry?
Stop yourself from sending an abusive message
Sending a message, writing a post, a tweet, an email or a text which is designed to hurt someone else is bullying. Even if you’ve written the message out, you can delete it.
Stop yourself from sharing or commenting on an abusive post or message
Even a comment like LOL or a smiley face on an abusive post can make the other person feel much worse, like they’re being ganged up on.
Find a new way to gain people’s respect
Find a way to gain people’s genuine respect. This could be as simple as deciding to answer more questions in lessons. You could practise your favourite sport and become fitter or work on a talent, like singing, dance or drawing.
Speak to ChildLine
You might worry that nobody will help you if you admit to bullying. We won’t judge you or put you down – ChildLine are here to listen to you, no matter what your worry is.
There are many other types of aggressive behavior that don’t fit the definition of bullying. This does not mean that they are any less serious or require less attention than bullying. Rather, these behaviors require different prevention and response strategies.
It is not bullying when two kids with no perceived power imbalance fight, have an argument, or disagree. Conflict resolution or peer mediation may be appropriate for these situations.
Teen dating violence is intimate partner violence that occurs between two young people who are, or once were, in a relationship.
Hazing is the use of embarrassing and often dangerous or illegal activities by a group to initiate new members.
There are specialized approaches to addressing violence and aggression within or between gangs
Although bullying and harassment sometimes overlap, not all bullying is harassment and not all harassment is bullying. Under federal civil rights laws, harassment is unwelcome conduct based on a protected class (race, national origin, color, sex, age, disability, religion) that is severe, pervasive, or persistent and creates a hostile environment.
The term bullying is typically used to refer to behavior that occurs between school-aged kids. However, adults can be repeatedly aggressive and use power over each other, too. Adults in the workplace have a number of different laws that apply to them that do not apply to kids.
Young children may be aggressive and act out when they are angry or don’t get what they want, but this is not bullying.
Behaviors that are traditionally considered bullying among school-aged youth require special attention and different strategies in young adults and college students.
When I was little I lived with my mum, due to circumstances that would take all day to explain but involved abuse and neglect, I moved in with my dad, stepmum and two-step sister. I no longer saw my birth mother or members from that family.
I never missed out on anything. I was a daddy’s girl and very spoilt by my gran (dad’s mum).
my mum (step-mum) never made me feel unwanted, my two sisters (step-sisters) never made me feel like they weren’t my sisters.
Now we weren’t well off, but if my sisters got something then I got it too.
but to me, growing up it didn’t feel that way. Middle child with two stunningly beautiful sisters I never fit in. Now most of this was due to me. I never really tried overly hard to fit in with people. When I was 15, my sister Hollie actually yelled at me questioning why ~I had to be so weird.
Was I weird? Probably. I’ve always suffered with depression, feeling insecure physically didn’t help. I’m not a particularly social person, I don’t know how to make friends or communicate very well. We also moved a lot, this didn’t help.
When I was 14 I decided I was going off to meet my mother. I did. When I was 17 I moved in with her. She always denied having harmed me in any way. I loved being a big sister to Saffron, Megan and Glenn. Eventually Saffron married and had children. I loved being an aunt and had the boys a lot.
Over a year ago I fell out with my birth mother. She hadn’t come when I had a really bad seizure and had asked for her. I didn’t ask for anything from her, this time I really wanted the comfort of having my mother. She did not pick up the phone. Arguments ensued and things were said and in the end I said enough was enough, I’d always felt slightly used. I had to go to them, they didn’t show up when we made plans, they only called if they needed something.
Due to that falling out I have now lost touch with my sister, brother and nephews. none will speak to me. I don’t know what was said to them but it breaks my heart.
Family can be a bitch. I mean all people can but family are supposed to love you unconditionally.
So what do you do when they don’t?
Am I ranting? Perhaps. But at least I know who I can rely on.
My family mean the world to me and all are ready to offer support when it’s needed. So I love you: Rebecca, David, Fraser, Alison, Alison, Alistair, Euan, Morag, William, ann, Stuart, Tracy, Aline, Gaye, Damien, Joanna, Tammie, Carrie, Mark, Therene, Steven, Brandon.
And thank you to Nanny Pat (mum Angie’s mum), Sylvis (Hollie’s gran on her dad’s side.) Jessica (Sylvia’s daughter)
There are many more, family who have loved me, cared for me. Family that unfortunately passed away. It just proves a point that blood doesn’t make you family, love does.
Thank you. Gran Mary, Dad Wull, Mum Angie and my sisters Kim and Hollie.
And a huge thank you to my husband Mark. Always there regardless of how crazy I sometimes seem.
I reveiwed Nina Mason’s last book here and now I’m going to do her next.
The Tin Man – Nina Mason
Synoposis (taken from Amazon)
The last thing Alex Buchanan, the editor-in-chief of a formidable news site, expects as he looks around the newsroom at the bodies of his editors, is that he’ll soon be teaming up with The Ball Buster to solve the crime and stay alive. Well, maybe not the last thing. The last thing he expects is to fall for her or any other woman. Because he’s The Tin Man–a suit of armor without a heart. Or so he believes… The Ball Buster is his private nickname for Thea Hamilton, a smart, gutsy, and insecure investigative reporter for The New York News, America’s newspaper of record. They went out once years ago–an unmitigated disaster during which she jumped all over his case about smoking. When events force them together, they embark on an emotion-charged, high-octane quest for the truth, ending up in bed, but also in the clutches of a sociopathic corporate raider. “Zeus” is obsessed with James Bond and owns a hardcore S & M club in an old fallout shelter. Is he the killer? And, if so, what’s his motive? What he hopes to gain by torturing the journalists is clearer: the proof they’ve uncovered of a corporate takeover scheme that threatens the future of democracy. And he’ll stop at nothing to get it.
Firstly, I told Nina herself that I expected to like this 2nd novel more than her first and I wasn’t mistaken. Now don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed her first novel, The Queen of Swords but I do love The Tin Man just more.
This is a completely different style for Ms Mason and another she has excelled in!
Realistic, believable characters transport you through a variety of twists and turns so complex your head will spin. And yet Nina does it with such style!
Not for the faint hearted, this is a fast paced, dark tale that delves into the very lowest dregs of humanity and pulls you out the other side. There is no cutting corners with the characters, these are not your run of the mill happily ever after sort. They’re real and they’re gritty.
Murder, suspense and political turns wind you deeper into the tangled web of deceit that is portrayed in America today showing the false and sometimes seedy world of journalism and how the “freedom of the press” works, delves and is sometimes denied.
A complicated attraction takes place between the two main characters. One sprouting numerous issues as they try to fight their rising sexual desire for one another whilst investigating the horrendous murders and kidnaps.
For a fiction work, Nina Mason succeeds in raising real issues in a thrilling plot that will have you on the edge of your seat and contemplating the true struggle of the.. umm.. ‘excrement’ attributed to major coporations and press, not just in America but worldwide.
She also hits on mental health and post traumatic stress with a wonderful realism that shows that Ms Mason has yet again done the research involved with two traumatically affected characters.
If you haven’t yet read this then I advise you to waste no time in purchasing it, you won’t regret it!
It seems my Thursday thought has taken on an even deeper meaning as this morning the world reels from the news of beloved comedian, Robin Williams, being found dead.
You can’t tell what goes on inside people. Sometime it becomes to hard to place that ‘I’m OK’ mask on every day.
So here’s my thoughts heading for the ones he left behind, my hopes that peace has finally found him, my secret yearning that he cocks a leg up the pearly gates whilst yelling ‘mine’ (if you dont get the reference you need to watch his stand up more).
And heres my hope for you. Share a hug. Even if they say they’re ok, some aren’t.
Robin Williams 1951-2014. I defy you to ever forget this man!
You can barely move nowadays without running into someone campaining for something. Adopt a dog, run for cancer… The list goes on and on. Now don’t get me wrong, all of these things are necessary and good things but when I have someone knocking on my door, and its always as you’ve just sat down to eat, then just once I want it to be a person telling me of a new initiative for Epilepsy research or a new program to help with Depression and Mental Health Illnesses..
I’ve suffered from Mental Health Illnesses since I was a teenager and for years have been up and down, and on and off medication.
Sitting in the doctors office at 27 years old and being told that the four visits to the neurologists in the previous five years had all been wrong was unreal. To have the neurologist explain to me that without a full scan, she couldn’t be certain but that she was convinced that not only did I have epilepsy but that I had probably had in one form or another for my entire life and that I took three separate types of seizures… well it was surreal to say the least.
My shocked expression had her calling my husband in from the waiting room where she proceeded to explain to us the various tests that would be upcoming, the appointments I’d have to go to and the tablets that she wanted me to take starting that day I was lucky to have my husband there. He listened and took it all in. I just sat.
Now it shouldn’t have been a surprise. My father had epilepsy, two of my half sisters, both from opposite sides of the family also had it as did many of my extended family.
It had been suspected a number of occasions over the years, but hearing it confirmed made it all seem that much scarier.
So what had landed me in that office? The previous week I returned home on my lunch break, the day was sweltering hot and splashing water on my face was the last thing I remembered. Becoming aware again, I realised I was on the floor and sporting a huge bump on my forehead from where I had hit the sink.
Not thinking it serious I called my boss, returned to work until she could get someone to cover me then went home. I din’t even see a doctor till two days later when my husband forced me to, worrying that maybe I had concussion as I just didn’t seem ‘myself.’
(Now we’d had a really rotten few years before this. My husband was just overcoming a battle with cancer. 4 yrs cancer free now, yay!!!)
The following weeks were a nightmare. The amount of times I found myself on the floor, or walking with no idea how I had got there. The uneasy sensation of being almost seasick, the prickling painful pins and needles that ran across my hands and face and the smell of burning had me constantly living on edge.
Travelling for miles to various hospitals was a nightmare. The endless poking and sticking and machines drove me to distraction. I felt certain that if I had to sit through one more exam I would loose the plot completely.
And so I refused the last test, the one that would have me hooked to machines, in the hospital, for three days. I will not lie and tell you that the epilepsy nurse, neurologist and GP appreciated my choice but they all understood it.
Diagnosed with stress and anxiety I soon fell into a depressive state that was hard to deal with. Sinking lower and lower as the seizures continued I ended up unable to eat, sleep or even leave the house.
Signed of work I only plummeted deeper when I realised the only social life I had surrounded work mates. And that the previous 5 years of training to be a preschool teacher were worthless. Who would hire me now, who would trust me around small children. I certainly didn’t.
Sitting home every day only caused my depression and anxiety to spiral further which in turn had a knock-on effect with my sleep and all had a knock on effect with the epilepsy. Trying to get a handle on all three is something that even now I have still not managed to do. Despite knowing that, stress, depression and lack of sleep can bring on my seizures, they are not things I can control.
I had never wanted to be on daily medications so had always shyed away from antidepressants but I figured that now I had to take epilepsy meds every day another set of tablets couldn’t hurt so I agreed to the antidepressants.
It can take a lot of swapping and changing but the only way to find the best one for you is trial and error. I have the added bonus that many counter act the benefits of the epilepsy medication.
Finding the correct balance of medication is ongoing.
Along with the epilepsy medications I also now take antidepressants and I have sleeping tablets for when things are just too crazy with my sleeping pattern. Since I’ve done these my seizures have altered. Instead of suffering multiple seizures every day I now find myself having weeks with none. Now I’m not saying that everything is fine and perfect, it’s not. I still have seizures and they’re still bad. I still have very low moods and there are still times when I could just scream with the feelings elicited within me.
The significant problem for me has always been the lack of control over my own body. Not knowing when a seizure will strike, how it will be, who will witness it.. they are all worries, but I found that you can either let them get you down or you can move past it.
Now the worry is still there but it no longer controls my life. I refuse to be a victim to epilepsy, I refuse to allow it to keep me a prisoner in my own home. Again this wasn’t something that happened overnight. It took two years of moping around the house before I realised I could help myself.
Again this isn’t something that happened at once, it is ongoing. I gave in and saw the mental health nurse and together with my other doctors I’m improving every day.
There is no miracle cure, no wonder day when everything is fixed. You just have to hope that today will be a bit better.
The other hard part was the loss of my wage. There are benefits out there, it’s just complicated to work them all out. Luckily I found https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/help-support. They were really helpful.
Epilepsy is part of who I am, but it is not the only part. Depression is a part of who I am, but it is not the only part.
It may take time, but persevere, it doesn’t have to be all you are either.
I now have one book published, this active website and more books to come. Epilepsy and Depression don’t have to ruin your life, let them be your new start.
Famous People who had/have epilepsy.
Vincent van Gogh
Sir Isaac Newton
Leonardo Da Vinci
George Frederick Handel
Sir Walter Scott
There are many, check out this site.. http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/epilepsy-famous.shtml for more names and more information about the ones listed above.
Always report any incidents, changes, seizures etc to your GP, neurologist, epilepsy nurse.
Famous people who had/have Depression or a Mental Health Illness. Depression is hard to catergorize as there are so many types, ie, postpartum depression, bipolar disorder etc.
(info from here http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20526304,00.html)
On a serious note, there are people to listen. If you are struggling and feel you have no one to talk to try here,
Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans 08457 90 90 90
I saw this, and thought it was a lovely way to pass on a message…
So today I had plans on a piece I had written about Epilepsy and then my computer went a bit funny on Facebook, it kept flicking pages and consistently took me to one that I hadn’t been on in a while. Uncle Bush, who was in fact my dad’s cousin, Hugh Gracie died on the 16th June 2013 at only 51. He left behind his wife and two teenage sons. Not to mention the rest of his family and many many friends. His funeral hosted an amount of people in one place that I have not been witness to before. The cemetery was packed…
Now call it what you want but a little bit of me wants to think it wasn’t just a fault that kept pulling me to his page..
I won’t get into a life after death debate, I see points from both sides but my own personal belief, more of a want is that there is something beyond. That my loved ones who have passed on aren’t just gone. I believe their spirit lives on…
Anyway.. It had me thinking of the people I have lost. These last few years have been particularly hard and a lot of loved ones have been prematurely taken.
I don’t want to sink into depression with thoughts of death. I make no secret of the fact that I suffer from depression and are medicated for this. What I thought instead was that I’d look at the good. At the memories no one can take from you and the ones that make you laugh and smile and cry.
So this is my remembrance for a few of the people I have been unfortunate enough to loose.
Here are some of my memories of them.
Aunt Anne (my great aunt, sister of my papa Roy)) – Aunt Anne once had a little dog called Katie, when I would visit she would have me walk the dog on the field opposite her house with bribes of a glass of Irn Bru. I remember getting back, pouring rain and she told me the dog wasn’t walked enough and sent me out to do it again!
Aunt Ann (Brownlee, my gran’s sister.) – Aunt Ann used to watch us from time to time, she bought Aladdin when it first came out for us to watch, I can’t believe how excited it made us. Even today when I see something from Aladdin I picture her face and smile.
Papa (Tommy, my gran’s second husband.) – Papa was sly! Gran had gone to the shop and asked that he not go out. I went to the bathroom and Mark was talking to him. I swear I was only in there for a couple of minutes, come out, Mark’s alone. I asked him where papa was, old bugger had snuck out to the bookies!!! (Should point out he was in his 80’s at this point and we were meant to be going for lunch, we didn’t just tell him he couldn’t go out.)
Uncle Jim (Gracie. I just don’t know how to explain the relationships, if we dont know how they often just become aunt or uncle. I think was related like this, his mother in law was the sister of my grans dad. Work that out!!) – Always in these blue overalls, smelling of a mixture of oil and mechanical stuff and cigarette smoke. I don’t remember him without a cigarette in his mouth but I do remember him flicking his ash into his pocket instead of the floor or an ashtray.
Uncle Bush (Bush is Jim from above’s son) – Bush had a finger missing, many stories filled my childhood of how he told a lie so it fell of, he picked his nose and it got stuck up there.. and many, many more. His knuckles had had love and hate tattooed on them, without the finger it ended up as love and hat. I will never forget the jokes of how ‘someone had to love hats’.
(Mark has the same finger missing, Bush was desperate for him to have matching tattoos.)
Nanna Orange (Mark’s nan.) – Nana Orange was hilarious, the first day I met her I had gone to pick up a magazine rack that she was binning. After receiving every detail about the piece of furniture from the time she owned it she then pressed £25 into my hand to thank me for taking it!
Nan Cockell (My husband, Mark’s nan) – I never really had a chance to really know Nan Cockell but she insisted each time that I visited on bringing out this same bottle of lemonade so I could have a glass (I dont drink tea or coffee but really just wanted water). The lemonade was as old as time and sooo flat, but she’d watch you drink every last drop and then put it away for next time!
I also want to point out two others. My Grandad, Gordon was great. I remember fondly the time I spent sat on his lap in front of his massive tropical fish tank while he told me all about them. And Uncle Geordie (Uncle Jim’s brother) once the tallest man in Scotland he’s in record books and everything, at 7ft4 he really was a gentle giant. Another lap I spent time on he was just a great big teddy to cuddle with. The smell of a pipe always puts me in my mind of snuggling up on his specially made chair and listenin to stories.
Then there’s something else, the animals that made a really strong impact in your life. I have been blessed to have owned many animals, my whole family are animal lovers and so we have always been surrounded and unfortunately they pass on.
Her are some that really touched my life.
Chelsea – Chelsea was my best friend. She slept in my bed, I walked her, fed her and I even still have the scar on my thumb from wrestling a tin of dog food to feed her! Chelsea was my ‘get out of being grounded’. I’d just take her for a walk, for five hours and in the company of my friends!
Joey (Joe Louis) – To begin with his mum was a rescue and only six months old. She had to have an emergency c-section and he was the only surviving kitten. We were only allowed to take our cats home because the vet advised that both mother and kitten wouldn’t survive. I was only 17, Mark and I were a couple but I lived alone with my cats. Well he made it, hand reared, getting up for bottles every couple of hours! He was really daft. My favourite memory was this: I never closed my window, they could just come and go onto the balcony, one day a bird hit the patio door so I closed this window for the first time. Joey didn’t get that and he proceeded to run, full speed into the room and jump straight into the glass. Hmm, reading it back sounds a little mean but it really was funny and he wasn’t hurt just incredibly confused as to why he couldn’t get out the window.
Not everyone has been mentioned here but I’m sharing with you the ones that affected me most.
I don’t have many pictures on my computer and the ones I do have are blurry and not great but they are all I have. (I do have some printed but I don’t have a scanner or anything.)