O is for….
OHANA
But it also needs to be for all the other nice thoughts that Disney gave us.
I know there are those who see only the negative but sometimes yoou just need to look a little closely at the messages and morals….
Tag Archives: help
Bullying
As a child and teenager I was bullied. There was physical and mental bullying. I never really fit in anywhere and as a result I was bullied mercilessly. And it affects you for the rest of your life in ways you don’t even realize.
But worse than that. I bullied. I can’t tell you why, there is no excuse but I can tell you this nothing I say will ever make it better or take it back.
But I can apologize. And I am sorry.
So here it is,
Christey
I bullied you in year seven. I don’t even remember doing it let alone why. But I am sorry. Who would have thought that when I returned to Old Buckenham High in year ten that we would end up best friends?
And
Ady
![199755_10150109875660877_3797161_n[1]](https://eruthvenstevenson.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/199755_10150109875660877_3797161_n1.jpg){kind=small}
I was rotten to when I was in yr ten, you a year above me. I teased your clothing, your likes, your looks. It’s not right and can’t be dismissed but I did it because I liked you. I guess you figured it out when I started my first year of college and we kind of ‘dated’.
Nothing can ever make bullying an excusable thing but I’m standing up and saying sorry.
Don’t accept bullying. Do something about it. Today.
Bullying can happen to anyone at any age. Being bullied at school, home or online might involve someone pushing you, hitting you, teasing you, talking about you or calling you names. Nobody has the right to hurt you or make you feel bad. If you are being bullied you don’t have to deal with it alone – talking to someone about it can often really help.
If you or a friend are being bullied, it can sometimes feel like nothing can make it stop, especially if it has been happening for a long time.
Bullying can leave you feeling anxious, depressed, lonely, worthless and scared – but it doesn’t have to be like this.
What is bullying?
Bullying can mean many different things and young people have described bullying as:
- being called names
- being put down or humiliated
- being teased
- being pushed or pulled about
- having money and other possessions taken or messed about with
- having rumours spread about you
- being ignored and left out
- being hit, kicked or physically hurt
- being threatened or intimidated
These things can happen at school or at home, but they can also happen online or on social networks.
Bullying can also be part of other forms of abuse, including neglect, emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
You are not alone
Sadly, lots of young people have experienced bullying from name-calling on social networks to physical threats.
Different kinds of bullying…
Homophobic
Bullying someone because they are a different sexual orientation from you. Saying that someone is ‘gay’ or using words like ‘gay’ as an insult.
Racist
Treating people differently because of their race, the colour of their skin, where they are from or what they believe in and using offensive words that describe race to bully people.
Sexist
Treating people differently based on whether they are female or male. For example, thinking that boys are better than girls.
Disabilist
Treating someone differently if they are disabled, or using offensive language to describe people who are disabled and using this to bully people.
Lookist
Bullying someone because they look different such as if they have ginger hair or wear glasses.
Classist
Deciding that someone is from a particular social class – usually if they are seen as being rich or poor – and bullying them because of this. For example, calling somebody a, ‘chav’ or, ‘snob’.
People can be bullied for all sorts of reasons or for no particular reason at all. Sometimes people who bully others pick up on a small thing that makes someone stand out and they use it to hurt them. This might be the way someone looks, the things they like doing or even what kinds of clothes they wear.
Everyone is different, and it’s these differences that make people who they are. If you are being bullied in person or online, then you might think that it’s your fault – but it isn’t.
Types of Bullying
There are three types of bullying:
- Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:
- Teasing
- Name-calling
- Inappropriate sexual comments
- Taunting
- Threatening to cause harm
- Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
- Leaving someone out on purpose
- Telling other children not to be friends with someone
- Spreading rumors about someone
- Embarrassing someone in public
- Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:
- Hitting/kicking/pinching
- Spitting
- Tripping/pushing
- Taking or breaking someone’s things
- Making mean or rude hand gestures
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Where and When Bullying Happens
Bullying can occur during or after school hours. While most reported bullying happens in the school building, a significant percentage also happens in places like on the playground or the bus. It can also happen travelling to or from school, in the youth’s neighborhood, or on the Internet.
My friend is being bullied, what can I do?
Be there for your friend
Sometimes your friend might not want to talk, but being there to listen whenever they are ready is important.
Help take their mind off it
Hanging out, going for a walk, watching a film or playing games together are good ways to take someone’s mind off their problems for a little while.
Support your friend to help them speak out about bullying
It can be very daunting to open up to an adult about your problems. Going with a friend if they’re feeling nervous is a great way to support them.
Help your friend stay safe at school
Staying in a group is a good way to help stop bullying during break times.
Walk home with your friend or sit with them on the bus
It can be hard to get away from people involved in bullying when you are on the way to or from school. Walking with a friend and sitting in a group on the bus could help stop the bullying.
Speak to ChildLine about what is happening
You can talk to ChildLine, whatever your worry – even if you are worried about something that’s happening to someone else.
Tell your friend about ChildLine
Make sure your friend knows that they can contact ChildLine any time, day or night, online or by phone. It’s free and confidential, meaning nobody else needs to know.
Find out about your school’s anti-bullying policy
It’s good to know what your school has promised to do in the event of bullying. There might be something in the policy that could help your friend.
Anyone could end up getting involved with bullying. Some people may not realise that what they are doing is bullying and might think they are just teasing, but some people deliberately set out to bully someone and make them unhappy.
You might be bullied by other young people who live near you, or who do activities outside of school with you, like sports or music. You can be bullied by people you have never met through your mobile phone or on the internet.
Members of your family can also bully you. If an adult bullies a child or young person, this is called physical or emotional abuse and it’s really important tell someone about it.
My teacher is bullying me, what can I do?
Your teachers have a duty to look after you. If they or any other adult working in the school is being mean to you, this is not fair. You have a right not to be made to feel stupid, be called names or punished unfairly. Talk to another teacher who you trust, perhaps your form teacher, and tell them what is happening.
I’m too scared to go to school – what should I do?
Nobody has the right to stop you from going to school. Your school has a duty to protect you from bullying and keep you safe. Try taking a quiet moment to talk to someone you trust and tell them about the problem. That could be a teacher or someone else you feel comfortable talking to. They can get in touch with your school and work out a way to help you.
I am being bullied outside school, what can I do?
If the bullying is happening on your way to or from school there are things you can do to stop this:
• Plan a different route to school so you don’t have to go through the areas where the bullying happens
• Keep to well-lit and busy areas so that you don’t have to walk alone at any time
• Take a safety alarm with you – they are not expensive and create a loud noise which can attract help and put bullies off
• Walk with friends, or older brothers and sisters if possible
• If you are being bullied on a bus, sit downstairs rather than on the top deck and tell the driver about what is happening. If it’s a school bus then you can talk to your teacher – they are responsible for you while on a school bus and can make the bullying stop
• Keep a diary of what is happening with dates and times.
If the people bullying you go to the same school as you, it is a good idea to let the school know what is happening, no matter where or when it is they are bullying you. They may not be able to take action about incidents that happen in the evenings or at weekends, but they can make sure it doesn’t happen in school. If the bullies are being violent towards you, it could be helpful to talk to your parents or carers about involving the police who can help you.
I am being bullied at home, what can I do?
If you are being bullied at home by one of your siblings, you should try to talk to your parents or carers about what is happening. They need to know what is going on so they can help make it stop. If you don’t feel like you can talk to a parent or carer, you can always talk to ChildLine.
If you are being bullied by your parents you could try talking to someone who is close to you. Perhaps you have another family member such as aunt or uncle that you could speak to. If you don’t have another family member to talk to, you could speak to your teacher and tell them what is happening to you.
People are sending me nasty texts on my mobile phone what can I do?
If you are receiving nasty or threatening texts or calls on your mobile, tell an adult like a parent or teacher. They can help you put a stop to this. If it doesn’t stop you need to tell the police.
All UK mobile companies are used to dealing with nuisance calls and will have people you can call who can help you deal with this. In the meantime:
• Don’t reply to any nasty messages you receive.
• Keep the messages that you have been sent so you can show someone.
• Don’t answer any calls that are from a withheld number, or from a number
you don’t know.
• Change your mobile number and only give your new number out to close friends.
• If the problem is serious, tell the police or you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 and we can help.
Mobile phone operators can’t stop a particular number from contacting another phone, but you can do this on some types of phone. Check your phone’s user guide to see if yours can. The mobile phone operator can only take action on an account that is being used to bully you (such as blocking it) if the police are involved.
What is ‘sexting’?
‘Sexting’ is when someone sends or is sent sexually explicit pictures or videos on their mobile phone. You might be encouraged to take pictures of yourself naked or film yourself doing things that you may not be happy about and send them to people. There may also be pressure on you to look at explicit messages that people have been sent, and to encourage other people to get involved.
It’s important to only do what you feel comfortable with. Remember that once you have sent a picture or video to someone else or put it up online, you have no control about where it will go and who will see it. Before sending anything, take a moment to think how you would feel if it ended up on YouTube or on Facebook. If you wouldn’t want anyone else to see it, don’t send it.
If you are worried about anything to do with sexting or being bullied anywhere, you can talk to ChildLine on 0800 1111.
Kids Involved in Bullying
The roles kids play in bullying are not limited to those who bully others and those who are bullied. Some researchers talk about the “circle of bullying” to define both those directly involved in bullying and those who actively or passively assist the behavior or defend against it. Direct roles include:
- Kids who Bully: These children engage in bullying behavior towards their peers. There are many risk factors that may contribute to the child’s involvement in the behavior. Often, these students require support to change their behavior and address any other challenges that may be influencing their behavior.
- Kids who are Bullied: These children are the targets of bullying behavior. Some factors put children at more risk of being bullied, but not all children with these characteristics will be bullied. Sometimes, these children may need help learning how to respond to bullying.
Even if a child is not directly involved in bullying, they may be contributing to the behavior. Witnessing the behavior may also affect the child, so it is important for them to learn what they should do when they see bullying happen. Roles kids play when they witness bullying include:
- Kids who Assist: These children may not start the bullying or lead in the bullying behavior, but serve as an “assistant” to children who are bullying. These children may encourage the bullying behavior and occasionally join in.
- Kids who Reinforce: These children are not directly involved in the bullying behavior but they give the bullying an audience. They will often laugh or provide support for the children who are engaging in bullying. This may encourage the bullying to continue.
- Outsiders: These children remain separate from the bullying situation. They neither reinforce the bullying behavior nor defend the child being bullied. Some may watch what is going on but do not provide feedback about the situation to show they are on anyone’s side. Even so, providing an audience may encourage the bullying behavior.
- These kids often want to help, but don’t know how. Learn how to be “more than a bystander”
- Kids who Defend: These children actively comfort the child being bullied and may come to the child’s defense when bullying occurs.
Most kids play more than one role in bullying over time. In some cases, they may be directly involved in bullying as the one bullying others or being bullied and in others they may witness bullying and play an assisting or defending role. Every situation is different. Some kids are both bullied and bully others. It is important to note the multiple roles kids play, because:
- Those who are both bullied and bully others may be at more risk for negative outcomes such as depression or suicidal ideation.
- It highlights the need to engage all kids in prevention efforts, not just those who are known to be directly involved
I am a bully, what can I do?
Admit to yourself that you are involved in bullying
The first step is admitting that what you are doing is hurting another person. When you know that, you can figure out how to stop.
Say sorry to the people you are bullying
It takes a great deal of courage to admit what you are doing is wrong, and apologise sincerely.
Think about what is making you bully someone
Is there something happening in your life which is making you upset, frustrated or angry?
Stop yourself from sending an abusive message
Sending a message, writing a post, a tweet, an email or a text which is designed to hurt someone else is bullying. Even if you’ve written the message out, you can delete it.
Stop yourself from sharing or commenting on an abusive post or message
Even a comment like LOL or a smiley face on an abusive post can make the other person feel much worse, like they’re being ganged up on.
Find a new way to gain people’s respect
Find a way to gain people’s genuine respect. This could be as simple as deciding to answer more questions in lessons. You could practise your favourite sport and become fitter or work on a talent, like singing, dance or drawing.
Speak to ChildLine
You might worry that nobody will help you if you admit to bullying. We won’t judge you or put you down – ChildLine are here to listen to you, no matter what your worry is.
There are many other types of aggressive behavior that don’t fit the definition of bullying. This does not mean that they are any less serious or require less attention than bullying. Rather, these behaviors require different prevention and response strategies.
Peer Conflict
It is not bullying when two kids with no perceived power imbalance fight, have an argument, or disagree. Conflict resolution or peer mediation may be appropriate for these situations.
Teen Dating Violence
Teen dating violence is intimate partner violence that occurs between two young people who are, or once were, in a relationship.
Hazing
Hazing is the use of embarrassing and often dangerous or illegal activities by a group to initiate new members.
Gang Violence
There are specialized approaches to addressing violence and aggression within or between gangs
Harassment
Although bullying and harassment sometimes overlap, not all bullying is harassment and not all harassment is bullying. Under federal civil rights laws, harassment is unwelcome conduct based on a protected class (race, national origin, color, sex, age, disability, religion) that is severe, pervasive, or persistent and creates a hostile environment.
Stalking
Stalking is repeated harassing or threatening behavior such as following a person, damaging a person’s property, or making harassing phone calls.
Workplace Bullying
The term bullying is typically used to refer to behavior that occurs between school-aged kids. However, adults can be repeatedly aggressive and use power over each other, too. Adults in the workplace have a number of different laws that apply to them that do not apply to kids.
Early Childhood
Young children may be aggressive and act out when they are angry or don’t get what they want, but this is not bullying.
Young Adults
Behaviors that are traditionally considered bullying among school-aged youth require special attention and different strategies in young adults and college students.
Hi there!
Wow. If ever I needed a reminder of the realities of my health I got it.
See the image above? Exactly how I feel.. However I am back and intend to
Thanks for being patient!
Rest in Peace Robin Williams 1951-2014
It seems my Thursday thought has taken on an even deeper meaning as this morning the world reels from the news of beloved comedian, Robin Williams, being found dead.
You can’t tell what goes on inside people. Sometime it becomes to hard to place that ‘I’m OK’ mask on every day.
So here’s my thoughts heading for the ones he left behind, my hopes that peace has finally found him, my secret yearning that he cocks a leg up the pearly gates whilst yelling ‘mine’ (if you dont get the reference you need to watch his stand up more).
And heres my hope for you. Share a hug. Even if they say they’re ok, some aren’t.
Robin Williams 1951-2014. I defy you to ever forget this man!
Thursday 07 August 2014
You can barely move nowadays without running into someone campaining for something. Adopt a dog, run for cancer… The list goes on and on. Now don’t get me wrong, all of these things are necessary and good things but when I have someone knocking on my door, and its always as you’ve just sat down to eat, then just once I want it to be a person telling me of a new initiative for Epilepsy research or a new program to help with Depression and Mental Health Illnesses..
I’ve suffered from Mental Health Illnesses since I was a teenager and for years have been up and down, and on and off medication.
Sitting in the doctors office at 27 years old and being told that the four visits to the neurologists in the previous five years had all been wrong was unreal. To have the neurologist explain to me that without a full scan, she couldn’t be certain but that she was convinced that not only did I have epilepsy but that I had probably had in one form or another for my entire life and that I took three separate types of seizures… well it was surreal to say the least.
My shocked expression had her calling my husband in from the waiting room where she proceeded to explain to us the various tests that would be upcoming, the appointments I’d have to go to and the tablets that she wanted me to take starting that day I was lucky to have my husband there. He listened and took it all in. I just sat.
Now it shouldn’t have been a surprise. My father had epilepsy, two of my half sisters, both from opposite sides of the family also had it as did many of my extended family.
It had been suspected a number of occasions over the years, but hearing it confirmed made it all seem that much scarier.
So what had landed me in that office? The previous week I returned home on my lunch break, the day was sweltering hot and splashing water on my face was the last thing I remembered. Becoming aware again, I realised I was on the floor and sporting a huge bump on my forehead from where I had hit the sink.
Not thinking it serious I called my boss, returned to work until she could get someone to cover me then went home. I din’t even see a doctor till two days later when my husband forced me to, worrying that maybe I had concussion as I just didn’t seem ‘myself.’
(Now we’d had a really rotten few years before this. My husband was just overcoming a battle with cancer. 4 yrs cancer free now, yay!!!)
The following weeks were a nightmare. The amount of times I found myself on the floor, or walking with no idea how I had got there. The uneasy sensation of being almost seasick, the prickling painful pins and needles that ran across my hands and face and the smell of burning had me constantly living on edge.
Travelling for miles to various hospitals was a nightmare. The endless poking and sticking and machines drove me to distraction. I felt certain that if I had to sit through one more exam I would loose the plot completely.
And so I refused the last test, the one that would have me hooked to machines, in the hospital, for three days. I will not lie and tell you that the epilepsy nurse, neurologist and GP appreciated my choice but they all understood it.
Diagnosed with stress and anxiety I soon fell into a depressive state that was hard to deal with. Sinking lower and lower as the seizures continued I ended up unable to eat, sleep or even leave the house.
Signed of work I only plummeted deeper when I realised the only social life I had surrounded work mates. And that the previous 5 years of training to be a preschool teacher were worthless. Who would hire me now, who would trust me around small children. I certainly didn’t.
Sitting home every day only caused my depression and anxiety to spiral further which in turn had a knock-on effect with my sleep and all had a knock on effect with the epilepsy. Trying to get a handle on all three is something that even now I have still not managed to do. Despite knowing that, stress, depression and lack of sleep can bring on my seizures, they are not things I can control.
I had never wanted to be on daily medications so had always shyed away from antidepressants but I figured that now I had to take epilepsy meds every day another set of tablets couldn’t hurt so I agreed to the antidepressants.
It can take a lot of swapping and changing but the only way to find the best one for you is trial and error. I have the added bonus that many counter act the benefits of the epilepsy medication.
Finding the correct balance of medication is ongoing.
Along with the epilepsy medications I also now take antidepressants and I have sleeping tablets for when things are just too crazy with my sleeping pattern. Since I’ve done these my seizures have altered. Instead of suffering multiple seizures every day I now find myself having weeks with none. Now I’m not saying that everything is fine and perfect, it’s not. I still have seizures and they’re still bad. I still have very low moods and there are still times when I could just scream with the feelings elicited within me.
The significant problem for me has always been the lack of control over my own body. Not knowing when a seizure will strike, how it will be, who will witness it.. they are all worries, but I found that you can either let them get you down or you can move past it.
Now the worry is still there but it no longer controls my life. I refuse to be a victim to epilepsy, I refuse to allow it to keep me a prisoner in my own home. Again this wasn’t something that happened overnight. It took two years of moping around the house before I realised I could help myself.
Again this isn’t something that happened at once, it is ongoing. I gave in and saw the mental health nurse and together with my other doctors I’m improving every day.
There is no miracle cure, no wonder day when everything is fixed. You just have to hope that today will be a bit better.
The other hard part was the loss of my wage. There are benefits out there, it’s just complicated to work them all out. Luckily I found https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/help-support. They were really helpful.
Epilepsy is part of who I am, but it is not the only part. Depression is a part of who I am, but it is not the only part.
It may take time, but persevere, it doesn’t have to be all you are either.
I now have one book published, this active website and more books to come. Epilepsy and Depression don’t have to ruin your life, let them be your new start.
Famous People who had/have epilepsy.
Vincent van Gogh
Sir Isaac Newton
Napoleon Bonaparte
Agatha Christie
Charles Dickens
Leonardo Da Vinci
Theodore Roosevelt
George Frederick Handel
Lord Byron
Peter Tchaikovsky
Sir Walter Scott
There are many, check out this site.. http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/epilepsy-famous.shtml for more names and more information about the ones listed above.
Always report any incidents, changes, seizures etc to your GP, neurologist, epilepsy nurse.
Famous people who had/have Depression or a Mental Health Illness. Depression is hard to catergorize as there are so many types, ie, postpartum depression, bipolar disorder etc.
Owen Wilson
Heath Ledger
Demi Lovato
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Princess Diana
(info from here http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20526304,00.html)
On a serious note, there are people to listen. If you are struggling and feel you have no one to talk to try here,
http://www.suicide-prevention.org.uk/
Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans 08457 90 90 90
I saw this, and thought it was a lovely way to pass on a message…
Emma Ruthven-Stevenson 