Tag Archives: writing

Tuesdays Teaser. 12 August 2014. Ina

Posted in Sneeky Peeks by

 Look under the medieval/historic romance post for information on the many places you can now purchase Highland Fairlings Book one Ina.

“As the enemy, begun to succumb to the Brothaigh warriors superior skills Alasdair stalked the cowardly Hamish as he tried to recapture the lass.
The poor wee thing was attempting to wield a weapon that was much larger than her small frame whilst her injured companion tried to pull her closer to where he slumped.
Distracted momentarily by the injured man’s, possessive handling Alasdair wondered at the lovers. Who were they? He was expecting no visitors and whilst they were close to the borders of his land, it was still his and that they were upon.
Against his will, he could not help but notice the curves of the woman, even if she did look far too skinny. Her dark red hair was matted in areas and the small, pale hands refused to discard the too large weapon.”

 

Rest in Peace Robin Williams 1951-2014

Posted in Everything Else by

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It seems my Thursday thought has taken on an even deeper meaning as this morning the world reels from the news of beloved comedian, Robin Williams, being found dead.

You can’t tell what goes on inside people. Sometime it becomes to hard to place that ‘I’m OK’ mask on every day.
So here’s my thoughts heading for the ones he left behind, my hopes that peace has finally found him, my secret yearning that he cocks a leg up the pearly gates whilst yelling ‘mine’ (if you dont get the reference you need to watch his stand up more).
And heres my hope for you. Share a hug. Even if they say they’re ok, some aren’t.

Robin Williams 1951-2014. I defy you to ever forget this man!

 

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Sunday Review on a Monday morning – 50 Shades of Grey

Posted in Reviews by

So Sunday review on a Monday morning?
Well I was certain I was going to review 50 Shades of Grey and in order to do so I had to finish it!!
This time I reviewed slightly differently and reviewed on the first read and as I went along.

Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James

 

“When literature student Anastasia Steele interviews successful entrepreneur Christian Grey, she finds him very attractive and deeply intimidating. Convinced that their meeting went badly, she tries to put him out of her mind – until he turns up at the store where she works part-time, and invites her out.
Unworldly and innocent, Ana is shocked to find she wants this man. And, when he warns her to keep her distance, it only makes her want him more.
But Christian is tormented by inner demons, and consumed by the need to control. As they embark on a passionate love affair, Ana discovers more about her own desires, as well as the dark secrets Christian keeps hidden away from public view .”

“The multi-million copy bestseller soon to be a major movie starring Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson”

 

 

Here’s my review exactly as it was written as I went along.
Question – Did I like it? Answer still unknoown..

So far I am only approximately 1% of the way in. I try not to make a judgment so quickly and yet already I’m dissatisfied. Ana already is a character I dislike. However the word is perseverance, and so I shall….
So. Chapter one. What can I say? So far I dislike both main characters. I’m also a bit peeved that if Ana is reading questions given to her by Kate for the intereview then it’s crap and this Kate doesn’t deserve to be on the paper. And seriously, no plans for after graduation? Nothing?
The word again is perseverance. So many love this that it surely has to get better?
Shopping list includes, ‘cable ties, masking tape, rope and coveralls?’ and she thinks this is just a standard little out of town shopping trip?
  Oh my God! Perseverance. Reminding myself continually that there has to be something redeeming in this rubbish. It isn’t often that I can’t find anything I like but I’m struggling here. I don’t like the characters. I don’t even like the way the book is written…
I refuse to give up!
21 and drunk for the first time, I think I feel sorry for her. Can’t think if this or Twilight was first but the whole clumsy girl thing has been done.
Ok, can’t keep your hands off, passionate snogging in a lift does kinda work for me.
Still not exactly enjoying this yet but I enjoyed that bit. Yay, for Ana’s inner goddess!!
25% of the way through. They’ve just has sex, normal sex. 21 yr old Ana of the studious, non drinking was also a virgin. Not surprised. It all plays on the old view of the strict librarian taking down her hair, taking off her glasses and turning into a sex God.
Anyway….
The writing style leaves something to be desired, I can’t even pinpoint it but something is missing. I still don’t like the characters and it still feels like a bit of a chore to read and not the pleasant experience reading generally is for me.
I’m intent on finishing this book.
Hmmm… What is there to say so far? The actual characters are still leaving something to be desired. That is not to say that I am not warming to them. A beginning has been made in the complexities of character. We learn as little of Christian Grey’s past, including an inkling of previous sexual relationships. I’m still finding Anastasia Steele dull but there is hinting to more depth of her character. I’m still withholding judgement at this point.
The fully written contract felt wasteful and could have been summed up instead of fully written. There is still that indecipherable something missing from the written format. I can’t place my finger on it yet but there is seriously something bothering me.
Oh, and at this point I am 37% through book one. I’m uncertain yet as to whether I’ll continue with the further books in this series. Never say never, it really depends upon the further 63% that I have yet to read.
“Opal and aquamarine dusk” I mean seriously?
Right, so I’m currently at the start of chapter seventeen and my feelings towards certain characters are in confusion. I still don’t really like them but they are growing on me and they do have depth.
I like the fact that the situation is unique to them both and the idea that they are willing to try to compromise.
I find it relatively easy to relate with Ana’s character a little more, I too would have issues accepting gifts of such high monetary value and many people find it easier to appear more confident and well versed in script as opposed to speaking.
I am making progress in that Grey’s character intrigues me. Everybody loves the fucked up bad boy, right? I’m no exception.
The sex, it’s quality and quantity is not as horrifying as I had first expects. Hearing many things of this series I must admit to some trepidation. I am by no means prudish however there is a thin line between a story with a lot of sex and porn with a bit of storyline. So far there isn’t enough sex in this to be offensive or pornographic, (I’m at chapter 24) however the best writing is during the sexier scenes. It’s an odd sensation to be noticing the writing style so much as opposed to being able to slip wholeheartedly into the plot. This may be the under scoring reason that I find I’m not really enjoying this. I find that more and more plausible, as I’ve stated, there is nothing offensive a far as I’ve read….
We’ll see. Perseverance and all…
Hmmmm. Well that was unexpected. Whilst I have no amazing feelings of love for either Ana or Christian there pain felt very real.
I now have that part of me battling in earnest. I didn’t exactly enjoy this book, I didn’t like the writing style, or the characters particularly. I found I a let down.
And yet I yearn to know what happens.
Holy schmoley I think I’m going to have to buy the next book.
I remain completely undecided and confused over this book. Did I like it or not?
I remain unsure as to whether to continue. Currently my depleted funds refuse to allow me to purchase the next book, especially after wandering into the myriad of Amazon reviews. I know you can’t please everyone but the repetition of accounts and feelings similar to my own concerns me. However I do still desire to continue this unorthodox romance. Troubling… a decision will ultimately be made, but for now I’m refusing the ‘seven shades of sin and fifty shades of fucked up.’

Thursday 07 August 2014

Posted in Everything Else by

You can barely move nowadays without running into someone campaining for something. Adopt a dog, run for cancer… The list goes on and on. Now don’t get me wrong, all of these things are necessary and good things but when I have someone knocking on my door, and its always as you’ve just sat down to eat, then just once I want it to be a person telling me of a new initiative for Epilepsy research or a new program to help with Depression and Mental Health Illnesses..

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I’ve suffered from Mental Health Illnesses since I was a teenager and for years have been up and down, and on and off medication.

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Sitting in the doctors office at 27 years old and being told that the four visits to the neurologists in the previous five years had all been wrong was unreal. To have the neurologist explain to me that without a full scan, she couldn’t be certain but that she was convinced that not only did I have epilepsy but that I had probably had in one form or another for my entire life and that I took three separate types of seizures… well it was surreal to say the least.

My shocked expression had her calling my husband in from the waiting room where she proceeded to explain to us the various tests that would be upcoming, the appointments I’d have to go to and the tablets that she wanted me to take starting that day I was lucky to have my husband there. He listened and took it all in. I just sat.

Now it shouldn’t have been a surprise. My father had epilepsy, two of my half sisters, both from opposite sides of the family also had it as did many of my extended family.

It had been suspected a number of occasions over the years, but hearing it confirmed made it all seem that much scarier.

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So what had landed me in that office? The previous week I returned home on my lunch break, the day was sweltering hot and splashing water on my face was the last thing I remembered. Becoming aware again, I realised I was on the floor and sporting a huge bump on my forehead from where I had hit the sink.

Not thinking it serious I called my boss, returned to work until she could get someone to cover me then went home. I din’t even see a doctor till two days later when my husband forced me to, worrying that maybe I had concussion as I just didn’t seem ‘myself.’

(Now we’d had a really rotten few years before this. My husband was just overcoming a battle with cancer. 4 yrs cancer free now, yay!!!)

The following weeks were a nightmare. The amount of times I found myself on the floor, or walking with no idea how I had got there. The uneasy sensation of being almost seasick, the prickling painful pins and needles that ran across my hands and face and the smell of burning had me constantly living on edge.

 Travelling for miles to various hospitals was a nightmare. The endless poking and sticking and machines drove me to distraction. I felt certain that if I had to sit through one more exam I would loose the plot completely.

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And so I refused the last test, the one that would have me hooked to machines, in the hospital, for three days. I will not lie and tell you that the epilepsy nurse, neurologist and GP appreciated my choice but they all understood it.

Diagnosed with stress and anxiety I soon fell into a depressive state that was hard to deal with. Sinking lower and lower as the seizures continued I ended up unable to eat, sleep or even leave the house.

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Signed of work I only plummeted deeper when I realised the only social life I had surrounded work mates. And that the previous 5 years of training to be a preschool teacher were worthless. Who would hire me now, who would trust me around small children. I certainly didn’t.

Sitting home every day only caused my depression and anxiety to spiral further which in turn had a knock-on effect with my sleep and all had a knock on effect with the epilepsy. Trying to get a handle on all three is something that even now I have still not managed to do. Despite knowing that, stress, depression and lack of sleep can bring on my seizures, they are not things I can control.

I had never wanted to be on daily medications so had always shyed away from antidepressants but I figured that now I had to take epilepsy meds every day another set of tablets couldn’t hurt so I agreed to the antidepressants.

It can take a lot of swapping and changing but the only way to find the best one for you is trial and error. I have the added bonus that many counter act the benefits of the epilepsy medication.
Finding the correct balance of medication is ongoing.

Along with the epilepsy medications I also now take antidepressants and I have sleeping tablets for when things are just too crazy with my sleeping pattern. Since I’ve done these my seizures have altered. Instead of suffering multiple seizures every day I now find myself having weeks with none. Now I’m not saying that everything is fine and perfect, it’s not. I still have seizures and they’re still bad. I still have very low moods and there are still times when I could just scream with the feelings elicited within me.

The significant problem for me has always been the lack of control over my own body. Not knowing when a seizure will strike, how it will be, who will witness it.. they are all worries, but I found that you can either let them get you down or you can move past it.

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Now the worry is still there but it no longer controls my life. I refuse to be a victim to epilepsy, I refuse to allow it to keep me a prisoner in my own home. Again this wasn’t something that happened overnight. It took two years of moping around the house before I realised I could help myself.

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Again this isn’t something that happened at once, it is ongoing. I gave in and saw the mental health nurse and together with my other doctors I’m improving every day.
There is no miracle cure, no wonder day when everything is fixed. You just have to hope that today will be a bit better.

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The other hard part was the loss of my wage. There are benefits out there, it’s just complicated to work them all out. Luckily I found https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/help-support. They were really helpful.

Epilepsy is part of who I am, but it is not the only part. Depression is a part of who I am, but it is not the only part.

It may take time, but persevere, it doesn’t have to be all you are either.

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I now have one book published, this active website and more books to come. Epilepsy and Depression don’t have to ruin your life, let them be your new start.

 

Famous People who had/have epilepsy.
Vincent van Gogh
Sir Isaac Newton
Napoleon Bonaparte
Agatha Christie
Charles Dickens
Leonardo Da Vinci
Theodore Roosevelt
George Frederick Handel
Lord Byron
Peter Tchaikovsky
Sir Walter Scott

There are many, check out this site.. http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/epilepsy-famous.shtml for more names and more information about the ones listed above.

Always report any incidents, changes, seizures etc to your GP, neurologist, epilepsy nurse.

 

Famous people who had/have Depression or a Mental Health Illness. Depression is hard to catergorize as there are so many types, ie, postpartum depression, bipolar disorder etc.

Owen Wilson
Heath Ledger
Demi Lovato
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Princess Diana

(info from here http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20526304,00.html)

 

 On a serious note, there are people to listen. If you are struggling and feel you have no one to talk to try here,

http://www.suicide-prevention.org.uk/

Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

 

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I saw this, and thought it was a lovely way to pass on a message…

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Thursday 31 July 2014

Posted in Everything Else by

So today I had plans on a piece I had written about Epilepsy and then my computer went a bit funny on Facebook, it kept flicking pages and consistently took me to one that I hadn’t been on in a while. Uncle Bush, who was in fact my dad’s cousin, Hugh Gracie died on the 16th June 2013 at only 51. He left behind his wife and two teenage sons. Not to mention the rest of his family and many many friends. His funeral hosted an amount of people in one place that I have not been witness to before. The cemetery was packed…
Now call it what you want but a little bit of me wants to think it wasn’t just a fault that kept pulling me to his page..
I won’t get into a life after death debate, I see points from both sides but my own personal belief, more of a want is that there is something beyond. That my loved ones who have passed on aren’t just gone. I believe their spirit lives on…
Anyway.. It had me thinking of the people I have lost. These last few years have been particularly hard and a lot of loved ones have been prematurely taken.
I don’t want to sink into depression with thoughts of death. I make no secret of the fact that I suffer from depression and are medicated for this. What I thought instead was that I’d look at the good. At the memories no one can take from you and the ones that make you laugh and smile and cry.
So this is my remembrance for a few of the people I have been unfortunate enough to loose.

 

Here are some of my memories of them.
Aunt Anne (my great aunt, sister of my papa Roy)) – Aunt Anne once had a little dog called Katie, when I would visit she would have me walk the dog on the field opposite her house with bribes of a glass of Irn Bru. I remember getting back, pouring rain and she told me the dog wasn’t walked enough and sent me out to do it again!
Aunt Ann (Brownlee, my gran’s sister.) – Aunt Ann used to watch us from time to time, she bought Aladdin when it first came out for us to watch, I can’t believe how excited it made us. Even today when I see something from Aladdin I picture her face and smile.
Papa (Tommy, my gran’s second husband.) – Papa was sly! Gran had gone to the shop and asked that he not go out. I went to the bathroom and Mark was talking to him. I swear I was only in there for a couple of minutes, come out, Mark’s alone. I asked him where papa was, old bugger had snuck out to the bookies!!! (Should point out he was in his 80’s at this point and we were meant to be going for lunch, we didn’t just tell him he couldn’t go out.)
Uncle Jim (Gracie. I just don’t know how to explain the relationships, if we dont know how they often just become aunt or uncle. I think was related like this, his mother in law was the sister of my grans dad. Work that out!!) – Always in these blue overalls, smelling of a mixture of oil and mechanical stuff and cigarette smoke. I don’t remember him without a cigarette in his mouth but I do remember him flicking his ash into his pocket instead of the floor or an ashtray.
Uncle Bush (Bush is Jim from above’s son) – Bush had a finger missing, many stories filled my childhood of how he told a lie so it fell of, he picked his nose and it got stuck up there.. and many, many more. His knuckles had had love and hate tattooed on them, without the finger it ended up as love and hat. I will never forget the jokes of how ‘someone had to love hats’.
(Mark has the same finger missing, Bush was desperate for him to have matching tattoos.)
Nanna Orange (Mark’s nan.) – Nana Orange was hilarious, the first day I met her I had gone to pick up a magazine rack that she was binning. After receiving every detail about the piece of furniture from the time she owned it she then pressed £25 into my hand to thank me for taking it!
Nan Cockell (My husband, Mark’s nan) – I never really had a chance to really know Nan Cockell but she insisted each time that I visited on bringing out this same bottle of lemonade so I could have a glass (I dont drink tea or coffee but really just wanted water). The lemonade was as old as time and sooo flat, but she’d watch you drink every last drop and then put it away for next time!
I also want to point out two others. My Grandad, Gordon was great. I remember fondly the time I spent sat on his lap in front of his massive tropical fish tank while he told me all about them. And Uncle Geordie (Uncle Jim’s brother) once the tallest man in Scotland he’s in record books and everything, at 7ft4 he really was a gentle giant. Another lap I spent time on he was just a great big teddy to cuddle with. The smell of a pipe always puts me in my mind of snuggling up on his specially made chair and listenin to stories.

 

Then there’s something else, the animals that made a really strong impact in your life. I have been blessed to have owned many animals, my whole family are animal lovers and so we have always been surrounded and unfortunately they pass on.
Her are some that really touched my life.

 

Chelsea – Chelsea was my best friend. She slept in my bed, I walked her, fed her and I even still have the scar on my thumb from wrestling a tin of dog food to feed her! Chelsea was my ‘get out of being grounded’. I’d just take her for a walk, for five hours and in the company of my friends!
Joey (Joe Louis) – To begin with his mum was a rescue and only six months old. She had to have an emergency c-section and he was the only surviving kitten. We were only allowed to take our cats home because the vet advised that both mother and kitten wouldn’t survive. I was only 17, Mark and I were a couple but I lived alone with my cats. Well he made it, hand reared, getting up for bottles every couple of hours! He was really daft. My favourite memory was this: I never closed my window, they could just come and go onto the balcony, one day a bird hit the patio door so I closed this window for the first time. Joey didn’t get that and he proceeded to run, full speed into the room and jump straight into the glass. Hmm, reading it back sounds a little mean but it really was funny and he wasn’t hurt just incredibly confused as to why he couldn’t get out the window.

 

Not everyone has been mentioned here but I’m sharing with you the ones that affected me most.
I don’t have many pictures on my computer and the ones I do have are blurry and not great but they are all I have. (I do have some printed but I don’t have a scanner or anything.)

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Anyway, thanks for reading and keep strong for your own losses.
Next week I’ll upload the piece I wrote on Epilepsy.
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1. Where I work my magic!!!!

Posted in Everything Else by

So, it is a well-known fact that I always write on paper first. I do not mesh well with computers. I know, I know, I’m supposed to be the generation of technology.. I’ve been told it a million times before. Doesn’t alter anything, I’m afraid. Not even the two years of office and business studies I took when I was at school (in Scotland) helped. I can type and I know my finger keys and I can still picture the teacher peering over my shoulder, breathing down my neck…
Well.. That is neither here nor there any more, suffice to say that computers and I are not very good friends.
That said, I do write at my desk. I LOVE my desk.

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This great big wooden monstrosity was a boot sale find that I managed to convince my mum to give me! It is far too large for my room and partially blocks one window but I love it nonetheless.
It is scraped and scratched and dented. There are gouges and shelves that have been ripped out and repositioned.
I was going to clear it all down, the husband suggested it would make me appear more organised, but the truth of the matter is that I’m not organised.   I would never allow anyone a glimpse into the drawers. That is where everything I’m working on is stored and really shows how unorganised and messy I am.
With a combination of books, DVD’s, knick knacks and pictures, the shelves are overflowing. The shelf at the bottom, where feet go is home to my many, many scraps of paper holding random ideas and scenes.
There are many pens littering the top and always a bag of mints lovingly supplied by my wonderful friend and her mother who run the local sweetshop, Nicola and Yvonne. I run the risk of bankrupting myself whenever I step in their store!!
My two cats are currently being fed on my desk. Not ideal but till I can work something else out it has to do as the dog steals their food otherwise. The two bottom shelves are always kept empty anyway as both cats have habits of getting up anyway, Gid is very keen to sit on the paper I am writing on and Nessie is very enthusiastic about pens!!
The computer monitor, when I am writing, ends up covered in post it notes.

 

 

 

From Highland Fairlings series – Book One – Ina

“A collection of books that lined one wall were not nearly as many as the books that lined the little used Brothaigh library but each looked well-worn from many readings. The Laird’s desk was a heavy piece of furniture that was cluttered with many pieces of parchment and various objects that held great mystery.
Alasdair had once heard that you could tell a man’s character from his possessions and he found that Laird Elliot’s manically arranged possessions did not give a hint to the man who was too busy allowing his daughter to fight like a man than anything else. Or perhaps it did.”