My playlist is filled with Yiruma, I love him!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zApP_q1G2WI
Tag Archives: medieval
It’s Thursday!!!!!! And a little sneek peek… Sshhhh, don’t tell…
No Thursday thought this week, so very very very very sorry… But I have a really good reason..
Tippity tapping away on the computer desperatley trying to ignore husband.
Typing two at once.
Journey is almost set.
Highland Fairlings – Book Two Ebha will be in the new year.
But just for you here’s a little sneeky peek at both…
Journey
I hurried to Gracie’s side, sliding to a kneeling position beside her, my hands fluttered wildly about looking for the cause of the blood flowing across her arm and her chest. She clutched futilely at the arm, pulling it into her chest and trying to hold the wound closed.
Craig hit the floor beside me, his young legs hurtling him to the scene faster than the others. His hands pushed Gracie’s aside as he replaced them with his own, squeezing tight in the hopes of easing the spray of blood.
I saw the tears that leaked from the corner of Gracie’s eyes as they travelled erratically and unseeing around her. She blinked several times, each closing of her eyes becoming harder to open and then they shut and stayed shut.
Her chest heaved in a rattling breath and then was still. No exhale. She was gone.
“No!” Craig shouted, tears falling freely from his own eyes as he clutched the wound tighter, “Gracie, get up. Get up!”
Seth pulled Craig away, his superior strength making the job of holding the thrashing boy easier for him than any of us. I remained where I was, frozen in despair as James bent to Gracie, his questing fingers searching for any signs of life. His hands were replaced by his face as he leant towards her mouth seeking even a tremor of breath.
He looked up, his glistening eyes meeting my own as he lightly shook his head in confirmation of what we already knew.
Highland Fairlings – Book Two – Ebha
“Yer room?” his black eyes continued to undress her mentally, “Surely ye mean the room of yer lady.”
Ebha quickly hid the surprise she felt at his words. Off course, he must be part of the visiting Quainn’s to roam so freely. He would not know her and dressed as she was she would obviously appear a maid. Clenching her hands behind her she decided to continue her ruse, she saw no reason to correct his assumption of her identity. If he knew not who she was then he would have nothing to report to his master as she was certain, he must be sent to spy upon her.
“I am afraid, sir, that the Lady Ebha has already descended to the great hall.”
If she had thought that her quietly spoken words would halt his predatory approach then, she was mistaken. Stepping back as he approached she found herself quickly trapped between his large frame and the cold stone of the wall.
Her looked at her in such an unusual and overly familiar way that her insides quivered in a disconcerting way. He stared at her with those dark eyes as though he could see all the way to her very soul, his hot gaze burning her blood and causing a feeling like molten liquid to carry within her. He raised his hand and gently touched her cheek eliciting such strange thoughts within her that she could barely breathe.
Vonda Sinclair
Today is the wonderful Vonda Sinclair’s birthday and I’m sure I’m not alone in wishing her a very happy day.
But wishing her a happy birthday this year I’m sure is tinged with sadness, you see, towards the end of last month I learnt that this glorious woman lost her beloved husband of 20+ years. No funeral for my family has ever been complete without a hymn that means a lot to me personally, and so I dedicate this video to what must have been a truly wonderful and inspiring man.
Vonda, my thoughts are with you.
Now I wish to to inrtoduce you or refamiliarise you with the wonderful works that inspire so many.
All the books in the Highland Adventure Series by Vonda Sinclair are standalone books, but they are also interrelated. I hope you enjoy them!
My Fierce Highlander (Book 1)
Gwyneth Carswell, an English lady banished by her father to the harsh Scottish Highlands, wants nothing more than to take her young son away from the violence of two fighting clans–her own distant kin, the MacIrwins, and their enemies, the MacGraths. She risks everything to rescue the fierce MacGrath warrior from the battlefield where he’s left for dead by her clan. She only knows she is inexplicably drawn to him and he wants peace as she does. When her clan learns of her betrayal, they seek vengeance. Dare she trust the enemy more than her own family?
Laird Alasdair MacGrath is driven to end two-hundred years of feuding with the MacIrwins. But by taking in and protecting Lady Gwyneth and her son, he provokes more attacks from his mortal enemy. As the danger and conflict surrounding them escalate, Alasdair and Gwyneth discover an explosive passion neither of them expected. With the arrival of a powerful man from her past, a horrible decision confronts her–give up her son or the man she loves.
Wonderfully packed with stunning love and wild adventures, Vonda Sinclair’s first book in the Highland Adventure series is just what an exciting Scottish historic romance should be.Possibly sporting my all time favourite first line of any book I have EVER read, “A stiff breeze carried the scent of bruised grass and blood on its icy breath.” This line, for me, is instantly evocative of the battle that had took place and the harshness of the Highland weather. I am also thrilled with the first meeting, even if Alasdair is unconscious and therefore unaware of being hidden beneath the lady’s skirts.
Gwyneth’ s character is instantly likeable, within the first few pages you learn of her strength and bravery as she helps an unknown member of an enemy clan. You instantly know of her deep love for her small son and her aims for a better life for him.
McIrwin and Southwicke are obvious in their deplorable characters and yet at the same time Vonda Sinclair gives even them in-depth personalities explaining the horrid nature of their motives.
I love how Alasdair and Gwyneth both try so desperately to not give into their growing regard for each other. This book portrays the beauty of a love not understood and fought against only to be ultimately conceded to, set admist the beautiful highland backdrop of Kintalon this tale is extraordinarily stunning.
My favourite part of this book is probably the image of Alasdair standing before his fireplace and telling Gwyneth that he didn’t want her to leave. A swoon worthy moment if there ever was one!!!
So all in all I absolutely love this book, and the entire Highland Adventure series, this story also comes with a wonderful introduction to the character of Lachlan who is easily my favourite of all of Vonda Sinclair’s characters.
I truly believe that the very talented Vonda Sinclair gives you a little bit of magic in her creations and I would urge anyone who hasn’t experienced the delights of this author to do so now.
My Wild Highlander (Book 2)
Lady Angelique Drummagan, a half-Scottish, half-French countess, has suffered much pain and betrayal in her past. She wants nothing to do with the sensual Scottish warrior that the king has ordered her to marry because the rogue could never be a faithful husband, but she has little choice in the matter. Dangerous, greedy enemies threaten her from all sides and she’s in dire need of his protection. Sir Lachlan MacGrath, known as Seducer of the Highlands, possesses a charming wickedness and canny wit which has earned him much popularity. After the king decrees that he wed the fiery hellion, Lachlan discovers there is one woman who can resist him–Angelique. Can he break through her icy façade and melt her heart, or will the dark secrets lurking in her past not only cost them their future together, but their very lives?
What can I say? Again Vonda Sinclair has managed a completely unforgettable tale that refuses to allow you to put it down.(I must admit to some bias being that Lachlan is my absolute favourite character.)
Who doesn’t secretly long fora sensual, wild Scottish highland warrior like Lachlan? He is easily one of my favourite characters created by the very talented Vonda Sinclair. I was half way towards being in love with him as he featured in his brothers tale, (My Fierce Highlander, Highland Adventure book one). Now after being fully introduced to him in his own tale I defy you to not swoon over his well thought out character.
The multiple layers of his personality shine through, easily highlighting this author’s superb talent and imagination. We see his passionate side, his gentle and caring side especially when it comes to his two small sons, we witness his fiercely protective side and his unerring loyalty and bravery. We watch as this complex character undergoes a complete transformation, going from an irresponsible and wildly womanizing man to the fierce chief and dedicated husband.
A wonderfully descriptive beginning shows how Lady Angelique Drummagan, certain that she despises all men, is an unwitting witness to Lachlan’ s more carnal desires. Naturally she believes herself to be immune to Lachlan’s charm and yet when offered a selection of three possible grooms it seems he is the best choice, not to mention the King’ s choice and so they wed. The wedding is a nice twist as we witness a night wedding with the bride barefoot and in disarray.
The disagreement over the next in line when the only heir is female is a central point to this tale and raises questions that are dealt with superbly.
Off course the absolute central of this is the unwitting love between Lachlan and Angelique. We watch as the couple argue ceaselessly, their behaviours and thoughts becoming entwined as a love that neither expected or wanted develops between the passionate couple. Angelique is the perfect heroine in this, her fiery and independent nature is exactly right.
Yet again Vonda Sinclair gives her gift to us all wrapped up in suspense, passion and intrigue. This author truly is a master of the written word and I look forward to reading her work for many years to come.
My Brave Highlander (Book 3)
Battle-hardened warrior Dirk MacLerie isn’t who everyone thinks he is. He’s Dirk MacKay, heir apparent to the MacKay chiefdom and Dunnakeil Castle on the far north coast of Scotland. When he returns home after a long absence, will his clan know him and will the duplicitous enemy who tried to murder him twelve years ago kill him in truth this time? Lady Isobel MacKenzie is a beautiful young widow betrothed to yet another Highland chief by her brother’s order. But when her future brother-in-law accosts her and threatens to kill her, she is forced to flee into a Highland snowstorm. When she runs into a rugged and imposing man she thought dead, she wonders if he will turn her over to her enemy or take her to safety. Dirk remembers the enchanting, dark-eyed Isobel from when he was a lad, but now she is bound to another man by legal contract—an important detail she would prefer to forget. She wishes to choose her own husband and has her sights set on Dirk. But he would never steal another man’s bride… would he? The tantalizing lady fires up his passions, testing his willpower and honor at every turn, even as some of his own treacherous clansmen plot his downfall.
Every book I read and reread by Vonda Sinclair reminds me again what a talented author she is. I absolutely love the Highland Adventure series, it is absolutely the best highland romance series I have had the pleasure to read.I had almost forgotten the delights of Dirk and Isobel’s story. It truly is a tale of overcoming adversity. Poor Isobel, widowed already is forced to defend herself against her future brother in law and flee the home of her betrothed. It is by chance that herself and her faithful maid cross paths with Dirk, Rebbie and a man servant. Dirk is returning to his home after a long absence after his step mother repeatedly tried to kill him when he was a child.
Both have so much to overcome and whilst Dirk is certain he should honour Isobel and not take her as he wishes eventually they come together.
Theirs is a love match and they both seem so very suited to one another.
I truly hope the series continues, there are characters that stir me that I would love to see more of.
Again I am recommending these books to EVERYONE!! I promise you will not be disappointed!
My Daring Highlander (Book 4)
Beautiful and fiercely protective of those she loves, Lady Seona Murray captured Keegan MacKay’s attention when she first set foot in Dunnakeil Castle. Though she is a chief’s daughter and forbidden, Keegan has fallen in love with her from afar and burns to possess her. But so does the clan traitor, Haldane, an obsessive outlaw bent on murder and kidnapping. Sinfully handsome, Keegan MacKay is a fearsome guard as well as the chief’s cousin, but Seona’s father would never consider him a worthy husband for her because he is not a titled laird. Seona has secretly watched the sensual, tawny-haired warrior from across the crowded great hall for months, but when he is tasked with escorting her across Scotland, back to her home, their simmering attraction flames into sizzling passion with just one kiss. Though she fears she is endangering Keegan’s life, Seona cannot resist his seductive charm or his spellbinding kisses. Keegan sets fire to the memories of her sad past and shows her what it means to truly live. But her father has other plans. He’s arranged for her to marry a wealthy Lowland laird. Is Keegan daring enough to steal her away? Or will the vindictive Haldane snatch her first?
Keegan and Seona deserve happiness so much and in this story you’ll get to watch and feel with them as they fight obstacles to be true to themselves and claim each other as their own.We see more of Haldane and McMurdo as they attempt time and again to kill Dirk and kidnap Seona. We’re witness to Haldane’s attempts becoming more and more desperate as he tries to take by force what he believes is his right to be laird, and the woman he believes he loves to be his wife.
Keegan and Seona’s love story is sweet and chaste and Keegan tries to woo Seona knowing her father will never agree to the match but loving her so much he knows he has to try. We meet Seona’ s younger sister and learn of their abuse at their fathers hands.
Again Vonda Sinclair’s tempting tales of love and adventure in the highlands will have you laughing, crying and loving right along with characters both new and old.
The Highland Adventure series is just what a highland romance should be. I am certain that I am not the only one who prays for more…..
If youre reading this review and wandering if you should try these books then the answer is a resounding yes, give this series a go you won’t regret this series, ever.
My Notorious Highlander (Book 5)
Chief Torrin MacLeod vows to possess and wed the spirited lady who stole his heart the previous winter. But Lady Jessie MacKay wants naught to do with the dangerous warrior, no matter how devilishly handsome and charming he is. When Torrin arrives unexpectedly at Jessie’s home, along with Gregor MacBain, a man Jessie was formerly handfasted to, she is thrown off-kilter. She never wanted to see either man again, but now they are vying for her hand. Torrin promises to protect her from the devious MacBain, but how can she trust Torrin when she has witnessed how lethal he is? The more time Torrin spends with the strong and independent Jessie, the more determined he is to win her heart. Once she allows him a kiss, he feels her passion flame as hot as his own. After she knows Torrin better, Jessie finds herself falling for the fearsome Highlander. But the odds are stacked against them. The sinister MacBain is bent on kidnapping Jessie, making her his bride and killing Torrin, while Jessie’s conniving younger brother, Haldane, is determined to use Jessie to take over the castle in his older brother’s absence. Jessie fears she can never be with the man she loves, while Torrin will do everything in his power to ensure they are together forever. In his heart, she is the only lady for him.
What more can I say? What a treat the Highland Adventure series is, in book 5, we find the end f Haldane and peace comes to the highlands bringing babies!!!!It’s refreshing to see the man the one certain of his feelings. It is Torrin who knows that he will do anything to have Jessie as his wife, and he really does have to work hard to convince her.
Give me this series of books any day, with handsome warriors and courageous heroines. Time we’ll spent!
Further congratulations to the wonderful Vonda Sinclair who continues to delight with her amazing work.
Now I just have to wait for the next book, I’m excited to learn Rebbie’s story, I’m developing as big a soft spot for him as I have for Lachlan.
I’m tempted now to simply return to the beginning and read the whole series again!!!
My Rebel Highlander (Book 6)
Known for his wicked wit, fierce loyalty, and skills in battle, Robert “Rebbie” MacInnis, the Earl of Rebbinglen, loves freedom and has no plans of marrying anytime soon. But when his father, a powerful Scottish marquess, signs a contract betrothing Rebbie to an earl’s young daughter, he is furious. If he has to marry, he’s determined to choose his own bride, though he has no inkling who he would wish to wed until fate intervenes to remind him of one fair-haired, nameless beauty and the passionate night they spent together years ago. A night forever etched in his memory. Lady Calla Ferguson, a penniless widow with a young son, is forced to seek employment as her cousin’s companion in order to pay her late husband’s massive gambling debt. Having been ignored or mistreated most of her life, Calla has become a resourceful survivor who will stop at nothing to get what she wants—safety and security for her son and herself. Wealthy merchant, Claybourne cares little for the money the Earl of Stanbury owed him; he simply wants the earl’s beautiful, voluptuous widow and he’ll do whatever it takes to get his hands on her, even kidnapping and blackmail. When Rebbie happens upon Claybourne abducting Calla, he rescues her and hides her in a secluded castle deep in the wild Scottish Highlands. Calla conceals her passionate spirit beneath reserve and duty, along with closely-guarded secrets which, if exposed, could ruin both her life and her son’s. Years ago, she lost her heart to a dark-eyed stranger she never thought to see again, but now he’s her protector. Rebbie craves another pleasurable night like the one they shared in the past, and she cannot resist the fiery passion that echoes deep in her heart and soul. Soft but strong, Calla sparks within Rebbie a desperate hunger and a need to protect her. But will her secrets tear them apart?
I have not yet reviewed this book yet, I refuse to do so on the first reading but if you stay tuned I’ll get round to reviewing. First I want to reread the entire series in order. Vonda’s books just make you want to sink into their oages again and again and again….Amazon Bio below..
Vonda Sinclair’s favorite indulgent pastime is exploring Scotland, from Edinburgh to the untamed and windblown north coast. She also enjoys creating hot, Highland heroes and spirited lasses to drive them mad. Her historical romance novels have won an EPIC Award and a National Readers’ Choice Award. She lives in the mountains of North Carolina where she is no doubt creating another Scottish story. Please visit her website at http://www.vondasinclair.com
My Dream Office/Study
I read this post http://playfullytacky.com/2014/07/14/my-imaginary-office/ by Playfully Tacky and decided I wanted to have a go.
Now I actually love my big old desk https://eruthvenstevenson.com/2014/07/24/1-where-i-work-my-magic/ but it got me thinking about my own dream study and how I would furnish it….
So I thought long and hard as this would be the room I would mostly be in and I trailed through thousands of photos and sites to find just what would be perfect for me.
Now my animals are really important to me and actually spend a lot of time right next to me. The dogs bed is next to the desk and when I can convince the cats not to be on top of whatever I’m working on, they sleep on the desk shelves. So, I’d sort them out. Below is a bed for Jazz, a really cool scratching, climbing post and I’d add shelves specifically for them so they’d not climb mine.
And so with the animals taken care of I’d get the desk.
I love it, it’s not something you’d see everyday anywhere else. I love the fact that it’s very natural feeling.
Now the desk chair was harder.I could get one to match the desk but realistically if you’re spending vast amounts of time there you want a big, sturdy, comfy thing.
I actually think both are ugly but they look comfy at least.
I’d have these chairs dotted around. Just with my favourite books in them. If I’m getting a dream office then next door I want a dream library, picture the one in Disney Beauty and the Beast!
But I’d also need a comfy chair, I found this one,
But the one I’d really want I can never find. Cast your mind back to the nineties, remember the hot chocolate advert for Cadbury’s, the tune was show me heaven and she sinks into this lush, deep, purple chair.. That’s the one I’d want.
Now I did a little extra thinking here aswell. I give you my lighting.
My soft furnishing, rug, curtains and cushions.
I love it. The only thing missing for me would be a view. To be assured of the one I want I’d get one of those big wall mural things.
Now my office wouldn’t suit every one but it suits me. It’s a mix of everything I love and I don’t care if things mach or not.
Now all I need to do is win the lottery so I can get it all!!!!!!! Rest assured people if you buy my books then this is what I’m saving up for!
Oh and while I wouldn’t want them in my dream office I love these so just had to share them with you..
Tuesday Teaser – 19 August 2014 – Ina
“As the enemy begun to succumb to the Brothaigh warriors superior skills Alasdair stalked the cowardly Hamish as he tried to recapture the lass.
The poor wee thing was attempting to wield a weapon that was much larger than her small frame whilst her injured companion tried to pull her closer to where he slumped.
Distracted momentarily by the injured man’s, possessive handling Alasdair wondered at the lovers. Who were they? He was expecting no visitors and whilst they were close to the borders of his land, it was still his and that they were upon.
Against his will, he could not help but notice the curves of the woman, even if she did look far too skinny. Her dark red hair was matted in areas and the small, pale hands refused to discard the too large weapon.”
Sunday Review – The Food and Cooking of Scotland
So today’s a little different, right? Instead of just writing a review I did a little something different.
Now I bought it from a local bookshop a few years ago but I found it on Amazon, here..
You can’t review a cookbook without trying out the recipe’s can you, but I worked for a few years as a chef so figured it wasn’t really fair me testing them. So I got my ever-ready, long-suffering husband to play my guinea pig!!! His cookery skills are lowered than zero and so I figured if he could follow the instructions then anyone could.
So we randomly selected two recipes, two recipes that aren’t overly complicated. He got traditional Bannock and Bramble Jam, two things I love!
The first thing to talk about id the book itself. It has separate sections for mains, appetizers, breads, deserts, drinks. It also has a starting point of 35 pages full of interesting information about Scotland, from their traditions to food to scenery.
I’m not going to list the entire recipes and methods, it would take forever, if you do want them then drop m a message and I’ll upload them. Instead I’ve loads of pictures to show what husband did.
He said it was easier than he expected. And the results were impressive. I’m very proud and stuffed full of yummy jam and bannock!
Bannock
You end up with three pans on the go, one is your milk and yeast, you have to leave it to the side to let the yeast activate. Then there’s the glaze for the final part of cooking. Now don’t be afraid of the next bit which involves full fat milk, lard nd butter, this recipe is not for those watching their weight!
Then the bit of messy as it has to be made into a dough. Knocked back and then put into a warm place for rising. (The yeast has been added by this stage.)
Once it’s risen you take it out and add in raisins. I don’t know why raisins, I guess you could add in anything or leave it plain if you wanted.
You let it rest again, so it was back in the airing cupboard. When you bring it out get it on whatever tray or dish you’re going to use.
We had enough for two.
It goes in at 200c for approx 10 mins and then you glaze, turn the heat down to aprrox190c and leave for 30 mins.
The jam really is easier than people give it credit for.
Good tip, heat the sugar on a low heat in the oven before you do anything. Wash your fruit. Put them in a pan with a little water and start to boil.
Once it’s boiling turn it on to simmer for a few minutes then add the warmed sugar from the oven before pushing back to boil. There is no set amount of time to cook, you’ll know as the fruit breaks down. Another tip is to put a little on a cool plate, if it sort of has a skin or crinkling after a minute or so it’s done.
BIG WARNING
You are boiling sugar, that’s incredibly hot!
Get your jar ready. You’ll want to sterilize it and make sure it has a good seal.
Then you’re ready.
Spread it on what you want and away you go!
and there you have it, in one afternoon my non cooking husband made bannock and jam easily from a favourite Scottish cookbook.
Tuesdays Teaser. 12 August 2014. Ina
Look under the medieval/historic romance post for information on the many places you can now purchase Highland Fairlings Book one Ina.
“As the enemy, begun to succumb to the Brothaigh warriors superior skills Alasdair stalked the cowardly Hamish as he tried to recapture the lass.
The poor wee thing was attempting to wield a weapon that was much larger than her small frame whilst her injured companion tried to pull her closer to where he slumped.
Distracted momentarily by the injured man’s, possessive handling Alasdair wondered at the lovers. Who were they? He was expecting no visitors and whilst they were close to the borders of his land, it was still his and that they were upon.
Against his will, he could not help but notice the curves of the woman, even if she did look far too skinny. Her dark red hair was matted in areas and the small, pale hands refused to discard the too large weapon.”
Thursday 07 August 2014
You can barely move nowadays without running into someone campaining for something. Adopt a dog, run for cancer… The list goes on and on. Now don’t get me wrong, all of these things are necessary and good things but when I have someone knocking on my door, and its always as you’ve just sat down to eat, then just once I want it to be a person telling me of a new initiative for Epilepsy research or a new program to help with Depression and Mental Health Illnesses..
I’ve suffered from Mental Health Illnesses since I was a teenager and for years have been up and down, and on and off medication.
Sitting in the doctors office at 27 years old and being told that the four visits to the neurologists in the previous five years had all been wrong was unreal. To have the neurologist explain to me that without a full scan, she couldn’t be certain but that she was convinced that not only did I have epilepsy but that I had probably had in one form or another for my entire life and that I took three separate types of seizures… well it was surreal to say the least.
My shocked expression had her calling my husband in from the waiting room where she proceeded to explain to us the various tests that would be upcoming, the appointments I’d have to go to and the tablets that she wanted me to take starting that day I was lucky to have my husband there. He listened and took it all in. I just sat.
Now it shouldn’t have been a surprise. My father had epilepsy, two of my half sisters, both from opposite sides of the family also had it as did many of my extended family.
It had been suspected a number of occasions over the years, but hearing it confirmed made it all seem that much scarier.
So what had landed me in that office? The previous week I returned home on my lunch break, the day was sweltering hot and splashing water on my face was the last thing I remembered. Becoming aware again, I realised I was on the floor and sporting a huge bump on my forehead from where I had hit the sink.
Not thinking it serious I called my boss, returned to work until she could get someone to cover me then went home. I din’t even see a doctor till two days later when my husband forced me to, worrying that maybe I had concussion as I just didn’t seem ‘myself.’
(Now we’d had a really rotten few years before this. My husband was just overcoming a battle with cancer. 4 yrs cancer free now, yay!!!)
The following weeks were a nightmare. The amount of times I found myself on the floor, or walking with no idea how I had got there. The uneasy sensation of being almost seasick, the prickling painful pins and needles that ran across my hands and face and the smell of burning had me constantly living on edge.
Travelling for miles to various hospitals was a nightmare. The endless poking and sticking and machines drove me to distraction. I felt certain that if I had to sit through one more exam I would loose the plot completely.
And so I refused the last test, the one that would have me hooked to machines, in the hospital, for three days. I will not lie and tell you that the epilepsy nurse, neurologist and GP appreciated my choice but they all understood it.
Diagnosed with stress and anxiety I soon fell into a depressive state that was hard to deal with. Sinking lower and lower as the seizures continued I ended up unable to eat, sleep or even leave the house.
Signed of work I only plummeted deeper when I realised the only social life I had surrounded work mates. And that the previous 5 years of training to be a preschool teacher were worthless. Who would hire me now, who would trust me around small children. I certainly didn’t.
Sitting home every day only caused my depression and anxiety to spiral further which in turn had a knock-on effect with my sleep and all had a knock on effect with the epilepsy. Trying to get a handle on all three is something that even now I have still not managed to do. Despite knowing that, stress, depression and lack of sleep can bring on my seizures, they are not things I can control.
I had never wanted to be on daily medications so had always shyed away from antidepressants but I figured that now I had to take epilepsy meds every day another set of tablets couldn’t hurt so I agreed to the antidepressants.
It can take a lot of swapping and changing but the only way to find the best one for you is trial and error. I have the added bonus that many counter act the benefits of the epilepsy medication.
Finding the correct balance of medication is ongoing.
Along with the epilepsy medications I also now take antidepressants and I have sleeping tablets for when things are just too crazy with my sleeping pattern. Since I’ve done these my seizures have altered. Instead of suffering multiple seizures every day I now find myself having weeks with none. Now I’m not saying that everything is fine and perfect, it’s not. I still have seizures and they’re still bad. I still have very low moods and there are still times when I could just scream with the feelings elicited within me.
The significant problem for me has always been the lack of control over my own body. Not knowing when a seizure will strike, how it will be, who will witness it.. they are all worries, but I found that you can either let them get you down or you can move past it.
Now the worry is still there but it no longer controls my life. I refuse to be a victim to epilepsy, I refuse to allow it to keep me a prisoner in my own home. Again this wasn’t something that happened overnight. It took two years of moping around the house before I realised I could help myself.
Again this isn’t something that happened at once, it is ongoing. I gave in and saw the mental health nurse and together with my other doctors I’m improving every day.
There is no miracle cure, no wonder day when everything is fixed. You just have to hope that today will be a bit better.
The other hard part was the loss of my wage. There are benefits out there, it’s just complicated to work them all out. Luckily I found https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/help-support. They were really helpful.
Epilepsy is part of who I am, but it is not the only part. Depression is a part of who I am, but it is not the only part.
It may take time, but persevere, it doesn’t have to be all you are either.
I now have one book published, this active website and more books to come. Epilepsy and Depression don’t have to ruin your life, let them be your new start.
Famous People who had/have epilepsy.
Vincent van Gogh
Sir Isaac Newton
Napoleon Bonaparte
Agatha Christie
Charles Dickens
Leonardo Da Vinci
Theodore Roosevelt
George Frederick Handel
Lord Byron
Peter Tchaikovsky
Sir Walter Scott
There are many, check out this site.. http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/epilepsy-famous.shtml for more names and more information about the ones listed above.
Always report any incidents, changes, seizures etc to your GP, neurologist, epilepsy nurse.
Famous people who had/have Depression or a Mental Health Illness. Depression is hard to catergorize as there are so many types, ie, postpartum depression, bipolar disorder etc.
Owen Wilson
Heath Ledger
Demi Lovato
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Princess Diana
(info from here http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20526304,00.html)
On a serious note, there are people to listen. If you are struggling and feel you have no one to talk to try here,
http://www.suicide-prevention.org.uk/
Breathing Space 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans 08457 90 90 90
I saw this, and thought it was a lovely way to pass on a message…
Thursday 31 July 2014
So today I had plans on a piece I had written about Epilepsy and then my computer went a bit funny on Facebook, it kept flicking pages and consistently took me to one that I hadn’t been on in a while. Uncle Bush, who was in fact my dad’s cousin, Hugh Gracie died on the 16th June 2013 at only 51. He left behind his wife and two teenage sons. Not to mention the rest of his family and many many friends. His funeral hosted an amount of people in one place that I have not been witness to before. The cemetery was packed…
Now call it what you want but a little bit of me wants to think it wasn’t just a fault that kept pulling me to his page..
I won’t get into a life after death debate, I see points from both sides but my own personal belief, more of a want is that there is something beyond. That my loved ones who have passed on aren’t just gone. I believe their spirit lives on…
Anyway.. It had me thinking of the people I have lost. These last few years have been particularly hard and a lot of loved ones have been prematurely taken.
I don’t want to sink into depression with thoughts of death. I make no secret of the fact that I suffer from depression and are medicated for this. What I thought instead was that I’d look at the good. At the memories no one can take from you and the ones that make you laugh and smile and cry.
So this is my remembrance for a few of the people I have been unfortunate enough to loose.
Here are some of my memories of them.
Aunt Anne (my great aunt, sister of my papa Roy)) – Aunt Anne once had a little dog called Katie, when I would visit she would have me walk the dog on the field opposite her house with bribes of a glass of Irn Bru. I remember getting back, pouring rain and she told me the dog wasn’t walked enough and sent me out to do it again!
Aunt Ann (Brownlee, my gran’s sister.) – Aunt Ann used to watch us from time to time, she bought Aladdin when it first came out for us to watch, I can’t believe how excited it made us. Even today when I see something from Aladdin I picture her face and smile.
Papa (Tommy, my gran’s second husband.) – Papa was sly! Gran had gone to the shop and asked that he not go out. I went to the bathroom and Mark was talking to him. I swear I was only in there for a couple of minutes, come out, Mark’s alone. I asked him where papa was, old bugger had snuck out to the bookies!!! (Should point out he was in his 80’s at this point and we were meant to be going for lunch, we didn’t just tell him he couldn’t go out.)
Uncle Jim (Gracie. I just don’t know how to explain the relationships, if we dont know how they often just become aunt or uncle. I think was related like this, his mother in law was the sister of my grans dad. Work that out!!) – Always in these blue overalls, smelling of a mixture of oil and mechanical stuff and cigarette smoke. I don’t remember him without a cigarette in his mouth but I do remember him flicking his ash into his pocket instead of the floor or an ashtray.
Uncle Bush (Bush is Jim from above’s son) – Bush had a finger missing, many stories filled my childhood of how he told a lie so it fell of, he picked his nose and it got stuck up there.. and many, many more. His knuckles had had love and hate tattooed on them, without the finger it ended up as love and hat. I will never forget the jokes of how ‘someone had to love hats’.
(Mark has the same finger missing, Bush was desperate for him to have matching tattoos.)
Nanna Orange (Mark’s nan.) – Nana Orange was hilarious, the first day I met her I had gone to pick up a magazine rack that she was binning. After receiving every detail about the piece of furniture from the time she owned it she then pressed £25 into my hand to thank me for taking it!
Nan Cockell (My husband, Mark’s nan) – I never really had a chance to really know Nan Cockell but she insisted each time that I visited on bringing out this same bottle of lemonade so I could have a glass (I dont drink tea or coffee but really just wanted water). The lemonade was as old as time and sooo flat, but she’d watch you drink every last drop and then put it away for next time!
I also want to point out two others. My Grandad, Gordon was great. I remember fondly the time I spent sat on his lap in front of his massive tropical fish tank while he told me all about them. And Uncle Geordie (Uncle Jim’s brother) once the tallest man in Scotland he’s in record books and everything, at 7ft4 he really was a gentle giant. Another lap I spent time on he was just a great big teddy to cuddle with. The smell of a pipe always puts me in my mind of snuggling up on his specially made chair and listenin to stories.
Then there’s something else, the animals that made a really strong impact in your life. I have been blessed to have owned many animals, my whole family are animal lovers and so we have always been surrounded and unfortunately they pass on.
Her are some that really touched my life.
Chelsea – Chelsea was my best friend. She slept in my bed, I walked her, fed her and I even still have the scar on my thumb from wrestling a tin of dog food to feed her! Chelsea was my ‘get out of being grounded’. I’d just take her for a walk, for five hours and in the company of my friends!
Joey (Joe Louis) – To begin with his mum was a rescue and only six months old. She had to have an emergency c-section and he was the only surviving kitten. We were only allowed to take our cats home because the vet advised that both mother and kitten wouldn’t survive. I was only 17, Mark and I were a couple but I lived alone with my cats. Well he made it, hand reared, getting up for bottles every couple of hours! He was really daft. My favourite memory was this: I never closed my window, they could just come and go onto the balcony, one day a bird hit the patio door so I closed this window for the first time. Joey didn’t get that and he proceeded to run, full speed into the room and jump straight into the glass. Hmm, reading it back sounds a little mean but it really was funny and he wasn’t hurt just incredibly confused as to why he couldn’t get out the window.
Not everyone has been mentioned here but I’m sharing with you the ones that affected me most.
I don’t have many pictures on my computer and the ones I do have are blurry and not great but they are all I have. (I do have some printed but I don’t have a scanner or anything.)
Anyway, thanks for reading and keep strong for your own losses.
Next week I’ll upload the piece I wrote on Epilepsy.
Teaser Tuesday! Tuesday July 29th
Your Tuesday teaser comes from Ina – Highland Fairlings – Book One
Available to buy (Check out where in the medieval/ancient romance tab.)
“Donaldina Elliot!”
Ina looked towards the kitchen door, no longer hiding her actions from her upset father’s furious eyes.
Still her fathers impressive muscular form did not hint to his advancing years as he took up the space of the doorframe. His hands on his hips he looked angrily at Ina where she stood.
Walking slowly around the counter where she had been working kneading bread she wiped her floured hands on the already stained brown gown she wore. An annoying curl was escaping in the steamy heat of the room and frizzing before her eyes.
“Whit are ye doing in the damn kitchens again” Her father’s loud bellow frightened many of the other staff who found themselves suddenly working at the opposite of the room to them, “Ye are a Lady, Ina. Ladies dinna work in the kitchen.”
Emma Ruthven-Stevenson 